Blue-Eyed Tracy

Book Quote - Clay Pots

2007-03-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from 12 Steps for the Recovering Pharisee (like me), by John Fischer

2Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us"

"The brilliant light of Christ in a clay pot. This discrepancy is the reason for the whole arrangement in the first place. The incongruity of the vessel and the treasure is designed to make a statement - to acutally be something of a joke, so the that the obvious contradiction between the two will alleviate any confusion over what went on in our lives. We didn't pull ourselves together. We didn't follow some prescribed path to righteousness for which we can take any credit. We were granted mercy. For all practical purposes this shouldn't be happeing. Treasures are never put in such common containers."
"Like ming vases, impressive vessels such as the Pharisees, in their long robes, holy faces, draw attention to themselves. Jars of clay, even broken ones, are nothing special. They ususally draw attention to what's in them. Their usefulness is in what they carry. In Paul's day these vessels were a dime a dozen. Even the poorest family in Jerusalem had an ample supply of clay pots. There is nothing in us that would indicate why God would choose us over any other vessel. We can only be as amazed as anyone."

Questions

2007-01-18T22:07:00.000-08:00

Studio 60 or 30 Rock?

ER or Grey's Anatomy?

Scrubs or . . . .ok, there is no other, it's Scrubs all the way.

Desperate Housewives or the Real Housewives of Orange County?

American Idol or Grease, You're the One that I Want? (I happent to know people on each show this season.)

East Coast or West?

Mac or PC? (I just saw the comercial)

Golden Globes or the Oscars?

Early Bird or Nightowl?

Ok, time to go do the dishes.

Am I Cursed?

2006-10-23T21:57:00.000-07:00

Could be. I seemed to be cursed (or destined) to writing only one post a month. Life just seems to be takin' me on a crazy ride these days, and I just hang on for dear life. You know how sometimes you see a person out for a walk with their dog, only it's really the dog walking the person. My life right now is the Great Dane running down the street, and I'm still hanging on the leash - but I'm really being dragged along.

Parenting, on more days than I care to admit, is just simply alot of hard work. Case in point: little boy has a head cold. Head cold is code for 'no sleep'. Not much for little boy, and certainly not enough for mom. I was not blessed with one of those kids who sleeps off whatever illness seems to be upon them. (I have a friend who does - I'm SOOOO jealous). I'm in the process of learning to accept that this is who he is and what my life consists of when illness strikes. Things could be so much worse. Sometimes I can't believe I complain about the things that I do. Is it bad that I long for the days when he can completely put himself to bed? You know, undress himself/get jammies on, brush teeth, read himself a book, etc. The day will come when his sniffy nose from a cold won't frustrate him to the point of screaming bloody murder. He'll be annoyed, but hopefully not screaming - when he's 7.

Well, I wanted to write so many more witty thoughts on my life at it's breakneck pace, but I need to get to bed. I'm almost guarenteed that the little someone will wake up once, if not twice, in the night with this cold, so I best get the sleep when I can.

Do you ever have the expereince of being overjoyed at the wonderfulness of being able to hire someone to do alot of needed work on your dwelling, yet simultaneously dread the day they come since it will mean being tethered to the house while the work is done, enduring the pounding, drilling, noise, and did I already mention not being able to leave the house all day! Anyway, that will be me on Thursday. I will have new functional & fabulous shelving installed, so I'll be quiet and figure out a way to entertain an almost -4-year-old (with a cold) all day, while the work happens. Ok, now I've really got to go.

This and That

2006-09-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

So, we're in the market for a new couch. I've checked out a few stores and found one that may work well. Even so, I'm going to another store today to do just a little more research (and drive myself a little more crazy in the process.) We've been using an interim couch since our move in June, and it becomes more apparent each day how much it's not working (read: uncomfortable). Also, the material just isn't made for the daily use of 2 adults and a kid - it looks, well . . .gross. We are deciding between a sectional, and a couch with a chaise. They aren't that different really, but the plan is that we'd have this couch for many years to come, so we want to go with what will work best.

Other news: my son is waking up multiple times in the night. Ugggh! Talk about poor sleep. He wakes up CRYING quite hard, and then wants one of us (usually me) to sit with him on his bed until he falls back asleep. Sometimes I just lay down with him, but it's a toddler bed, so there isn't much room at all. The last two nights we've just brought him in with us. I don't know, sleeping with a 3 yr old squished right up against your back doesn't make for some decent sleep. What on earth is waking him up?? I think he's having bad dreams, but we try to just quiet things down and get him back to sleep quickly, so I don't ask him in the moment. During the day he's been very creative and imaginative - moreso than usual. I'm guessing his imagination is in overdrive for a phase, and it means he has dreams, sometimes bad ones. And his room, that he usually finds so cozy, scares him in the dark when he wakes up.

On a more positive note, I had a GREAT hair day yesterday. Yes, this is worth noting because I'm incredibly overdue for a haircut and color so it's been looking a little ragged lately. I had such a good hair day, that it still looks pretty darn good today. I may have to just go with it, rather than washing it and risk trying to recreate it and being very frustrated. Ahhh, the things that can make or break a day. I wish all my readers a wonderful hair day! (He ,he . . all 3 of you.)

What's New In My Corner of the World

2006-09-15T14:30:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite bloggers, Judy, asks "what's new . . .?" so I"m replying - even though the post was not for me directly. It still works.

The sun is setting earlier, and since I live in SoCal, this becomes the marker of fall's approach, much more than a change in temprature. Often September can be one of the hottest months of the year round these parts. However, the angle of the sun on our house, and the shorter days are reminding me of the changes to come. Although, once it is officially fall, it won't really be fall-like until November. The nights get cooler, and I do enjoy that part.

My little guy was all set to go to preschool. We enrolled him, had the pile 'o paperwork filled out, and he even had attended their summer camp as a way to get him accustomed to the place. But, when it was all said and done, we decided to keep him home one more year. He'll be 4 in December, and even with staying out this year, he'll get a full year of preschool next year before he in enrolls in Kindergarten in '08. That's plenty for us and it's all working out fine. (Plus we're saving money, so that part is great, too). I felt great about the decision - making it, talking to the school, talking to friends and family - it all went great and I've had tremendous peace about the whole thing. But, now I'm living with the day-in-day-out life of no preschool. Read: no break for mom. Some days it is tough. (As I told my spouse the other day, "I don't like my job today.") You know, it's all moving forward and the days of him being home for the whole day are numbered, so while I do long for a break at times, I know it's comming in a year, so it's ok. Two days after our decision we read this.

I don't really know what to do about this whole blogging thing. I like it - I really do. And I think of posts all day long in my head, but my life demands that I do other things right now. To sit at the computer and really bang out a great read on my ponderings of . . . .well, . . so many different things (where do I start?!). I think the reason writing is referred to as a 'craft' is that it is one. And in trying to craft something relevant, thought provoking, with good punctuation and no spelling errors, with a good flow and a nice variety of vocabulary to keep it interesting - well . . . , it just requires more time and concentration than staying home with a 3-year-old will allow. Yes, I do have the nights, but frankly I'm so tired by the end of the day that a post just becomes work for me - and not very enjoyable. Serious writers would be quick to remind me that wrtiting is work, and good writers have to work at it everyday. I'm sure they do. I'm sure the time already put in by this writer is a reason why his work seems so effortless, beautiful and enjoyable to read. Man, the man can write! And I KNOW that what I put out -even with a lot of work, focus and concentration - doesn't even sound half as good. Well, if I compare myself to every great and established writer, nothing - blog or otherwise - will ever get off the ground for me. If nothing else I appreciate the platform this blog gives me to think aloud on such matters. (Even as I write this, the young child is summoning me to 'come play Star Wars'. How many more times can I say, "In a minute sweetie"?)

Ok, anything else going on here in my 'corner'? Maybe I should refer to it more as my 'backyard' since I'm kind of going on and on here. One of my ponderings the other day had me questioning ideas of what christian women do, and how they link that to their faith. Care of the home, or "keeper of the home" to use the quote that so many Christians refer to, gets raised to a level that just isn't addressed in the Word. How clean one's home is, and how organized a gal might be in how she carries out the tasks of cooking, cleaning and caring for children, becomes in many circles the standard by which women are measured. Not only are they measured, but measured by each other, no less. The place where I heard the most said on this subject in the past was in the women's ministry circle at my local church. Well, much better things have been written on this, so I'll defer to Chewymom. I just know that some of my lowest lows in my spiritual jouney came when I was trying to live and measure myself according to such standards. Two words come to mind: legalism & pharisee. Why are we so darn prone to those things? God offers grace, and we want to come up with the yardsticks and standards to measure others by. If I ever even came close to attaining the 'standard' that we set out for ourselves, would I even need the grace of God? We receive his grace and then try to work ourselves out of needing the very thing Christ offers us .

Well, I began this post in the mid-day hours, and have tried to continue it into the evening, but I've hit the wall. Exhaustion mixed with fatigue and throw in some yawning, and that's me right now. Done.

Happy August

2006-07-31T22:07:00.000-07:00

So, does anyone else have favorite and least favorite months?? Well, I do and I'm going to share what they are. November and April are my favorite months. August and February are my least favorite. I really want October to be my favorite month, but it is still way too hot here to really enjoy the whole Hallowwen/fall is here/go to the pumpkin patch/ drink hot cider and wear sweaters that is depicted in most magazines in the October issues. (Which of course arrives Sept. 1 - when it's still well over 100 degrees in much of Southern California!) Now, why are August and February my least favorites?? Hmmm . . well, August is just so darn hot, and mentally one might think, 'Oh September is comming - cooler weather', but NOT SO! So, the heat is so hot, and you know there is at least one more month of it to go. The cute tank tops and shorts that I was so excited about wearing back in May are now getting faded and, darn it, I'm just tired of sweating so much already! But, February?? Well, not much happens in February, and even here in sunny Southern Cal it can be cold, wet and dreary so much of the month. (And windy too) People living in states that have 'real' weather are gonna read this and say, 'cry me a river - you live in the best weather on the planet for crying out loud'. And really I should not complain. Especially because I live at the beach, too. But really, it has been so hot and humid here - are you having any sympathy for me yet?? I didn't think so. So, I'll just endure August. Maybe with all the sweating I'll drop the few pounds I'd really like to lose. Mabye there is a good side to August after all.

I Have A Blog?!

2006-07-19T08:37:00.001-07:00

Yes, almost three months have gone by and yet, my blog has been on hold. It's almost as if I'm going along in life, reading blogs - other websites - soaking in all the cool stuff to be read and commented on out there and I sigh wistfully, "Oh, how cool it would be to have a blog and post about . . . . . " (In my head when I say this, it's in the voice of 'Dory' from Finding Nemo: But then Albert Brooks, a.k.a. 'Marlin' answers back: "You HAVE a blog, remember?", but you know Dory, and the short term memory loss and all . . ) ANYHOW, I realize, remember that yes, I actually do have a blog. So if I haven't been blogging, what have I been doing?? Hmmmm . . oh yeah, we put the house on the market - it sold - we packed-up stuff, got rid of stuff - found a new place to live (an ordeal in itself) - MOVED (can I please never do that again?) - went from being homeowners to renters. While all the aforementioned things were happening, my 3 1/2 yr. old got head lice and missed the whole end of pre-school. In fact, the head lice story has a little irony to it, because I discovered it the day after my realtor called to say, 'we have a solid offer, there will be no more showings', and I was planning on getting a bit of a break from the constant upkeep and cleaning, But, not only did I NOT get a break, all the cleaning intensified! And, my poor little Dude was subjected to constant head-checking from mom and dad for 3 weeks, along with the shampoo, etc. ,etc. Such an ordeal. But, we survived head lice and have lived to tell about it!

Other details . . . . we moved from the San Fernando Valley to Venice Beach, CA . . yes, quite a change. I could do a whole series of posts on what we've encountered while in Venice for the past month. It's fun, it's different, and I'm not nearly as car-bound for everything. The house is mostly unpacked - our only set back lately in getting all set up has been a double ear infection for the little guy and a sinus infection for me. (lovely).
I don't know quite how to wrap this up, other than to say, gotta go. I"ll be back to post more . . .sometime.

I Have A Blog?!

2006-07-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

Free Cone Day

2006-04-24T14:53:00.000-07:00

Hi. Tomorrow is Free Cone Day at participating Ben & Jerry's Ice cream shops. I have Oatmeal Cookie Ice Cream in my frige right now, but I'll take free ice cream any day!

Hawaii was great. LIttle boy got the stomach flu while we were there, but it was an enjoyable trip nonetheless.

More to come soon.
(Enjoy your free cone!)

Trying to Get the Heck Out of Here

2006-04-06T14:03:00.000-07:00

I guess it's that time of year . . . . . that could mean so many things, but in my world right now it refers to the 'spring-break' season and I actually have someplace to go. In fact, I've been madly running around town to get the 100 last minute things I need for this trip (?) and try not to completely lose my mind before I have to get on the plane. This is actually on of the first times in my life I'm taking a real vacation in the spring - but I can't take all the credit. I have a "Desintation Wedding" to attend this weekend. Apparently, Destination Weddings are the 'hot, new trend' in weddings. Nothing in my life really correlates to anything hot, new or trendy. I'm not a part of any 'cool scene' unless the mommy group I attend counts. =) But, I will be involved in lots of 'the latest and coolest' for the next week, as I watch my sis get married in Hawaii. It's a little odd to me actually that Desination Weddings are so "in", since they are quite expensive to put together and for the guests to attend. I'm not complaining - a week in Hawaii isn't a bad thing, but how many relatives of people these days can afford to make that a part of their lives?

The real question here is how on earth am I finding time to blog when I am very behind on getting packed and ready for this trip? You know, I really don't have the time, but I find that taking time out of the day to do something like this can help me stay more focused on all the things that need to get done in the rest of the day. Although, I'm pretty spaced-out on a lot of things too - I completely forgot to pay for my son's pre-school this month, so that's another last minute trip I'll be making this afternoon - late fees and all. Oh well - at least I remembered that I forgot! My new Real Simple came in the mail today too, so it will be comming with me, but I'm oh so tempted to peek at it today and lounge on the couch for a quick read-through. Hmmm . . . . too much laid back realxed approaches will mean a very late night tonight - I'm a bridesmaid after all, and I need that beauty sleep.

Daily Variety

2006-03-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

My Friday- St. Patrick's Day
Wake up at 6:20am. Hmmmmm . . I really could get some more shut-eye, but little boy is sick, and thus wakes up earlier than usual. So, to get some precious time to myself to think about the day and maybe accomplish a thing or two, I get up.

I make some tea, check my email, read a few Bible verses. I get about 20 minutes, and then little boy is up. His first words of the day are ususally "good morning", or something like that, but today I hear "My ear hurts!" and his lower lip is protruding in a very sad way. Ok, maybe a call to the pediatrician is in order - he has been sick for 7 days now - so an ear infection wouldn't be out of the question. It's almost 7am, so I have two hours before the Dr.'s office takes calls.

The next two hours are a mixed bag of household chores: emptying the dishwasher ( I'm thrilled that I remembered to run in the night before!!) - making beds, putting away shoes, running a load of laundry, blah, blah, blah. Along with the chores I read a few blogs, look at my daily 'to-do' list from yesterday and transfer what didn't happen yesterday to today's list, get a call from our handyman/fix-it guy that he'll be by at 10-ish to finish a few small jobs and make a grocery list since I am in charge of a few food items for my sister's bridal shower on Saturday. (which is actually today)

I must add here that for whatever reason, this week I have now been to the grocery store 3 times, and the trip I'll have to make today will make it 4. Four grocery trips in the span of 6 days?!! I think I should be planning a little better. And the main food item I'm in charge of for the shower is Sangria. You see, it's a "Girl's Night Out" bridal shower, so the 'signature drink' for the evening is the Sangria - that I am in charge of making. (I should add here, I really don't drink at all, but this is the job I have, and Sangria involves chopping alot of fruit, so it's more like a food recipe.) I decide to use a Martha Stewart Recipe from the Aug. 03 issue. Yes, I have that issue, because I keep all of my MSLiving magazines since I started recieving the subsricption, oh like, 10 years ago. I'm not a collector of anything really at all - but for some reason I have saved every single one of these magazines. And I use them like little encyclopedia's for home-making, recipies, ideas, etc. Another one of my favorite issues is the May '98 which has a great article on organizing a garage. I used it to help with the garage organization of our previous house.

Another thing - our house is now on the market. So, along with the everyday tasks, I am now trying to keep the house as clean as possible in case it needs to be 'shown' to anyone.

Ok, back to my day: 9am rolls around and I call for the Dr.'s appt. All she has left is 3:30pm - I'll take it! However, the rest of the day, I question whether or not I should take him in. Is he really that sick? Will he catch something else from the waiting room? I often feel foolish for taking him in and then she says, "it's a virus/cold" and we just need to wait it out.

So the remainder of the morning/early afternoon is spent having the handyman fix the stuff, going to the grocery store with sick little boy (who actually does quite weil - so well that I consider cancelling his Dr.'s appointment), exchanging phone calls with the relator, prepping lunch for little boy and myself (he hardly eats anything - maybe the Dr's visit is a good idea after all??) and chopping all the fruit for the Sangria and letting it marinate in some liquors. I put little boy down for a 'rest' also, but he just plays the whole time.

We leave for the Dr'.s office and on the way there (a 15 min. car trip) little boy falls asleep! Once we're inside the office he's awake again and watching the fish in the fish tank. The diagnosis?? Ear infection. Pink medicine prescription is issued, he picks out a toy and we're on our way to the pharmacy. I get to the counter and the gal informs me that it will be over 1 hour before the prescription is ready. So, we trek back home and I try to get some dinner into the little guy since he'll be going to bed in a matter of a few hours since he had no nap.

The rest is boring details (like this wasn't boring so far!!), but I did remember to wear some green for St. Patrick's day, and ate a Shamrock -shaped cookie after dinner.

I had a point to sharing all this, but I completely forgot what it is.

Repentance, Humility & Lent

2006-03-02T14:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the beginning of the Lenten season. Because I have been attending a Presbyterian church the past year-and-a-half, I've been more aware of the liturgical calendar, and specifically the season of Lent. My first exposure to it was actually a few years ago when the pastor at the EV Free church I was attending fasted & prayed for the 40 days of Lent. The year after that I read the 40 days of Purpose in Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" and I think I gave up chocolate as well. I don't remember specifically what I did last year (being the mother of a small child tends to deplete brain cells), and that brings me to today.

Last night the Presbyterian church had a Lent service and I was (amazingly) able to attend. (Again, having a small child can make going out in the evenings a bit challenging). It was a beautiful service - very quite, the lights dimmed and candles lit. We sang praise and worship songs along with "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross", and it was a wonderful time of just focusing on Christ. Just having a time to quiet my spirit, sing out words of praise and receive communion helped me to find His peace. Of course right before going to the service I was a frenzied mess of trying to get dinner prepped, answering the phone, cleaning up a glass broken by little boy and getting myself ready to go out the door. Nothing like showing up to a reflective Lent service completely stressed-out. But, that's kind of what it needed to be, so I could get myself calmed down, to "stop striving" and just 'be' with God. I was looking forward to communion, and I enjoyed the flow of the service and the songs especially, but I was just a tad freaked-out by what they called "the imposition of ashes". I know not only Catholics observe Lent, but that specific practice seems especially Catholic to me. (Maybe because most of the people I used to see with something on their forheads during this time were Catholic folks). At this particular service they focused on the phrase "ashes to ashes, from dust to dust" - from dust we came, to dust we shall return. (?) I kept thinking about the whole resurrection body thing, but now I'm wandering a bit. But the thing that I really took away from the service and specifically the receiving of ashes on my forhead was a sense of humility. To humble myself before the God who gave his only Son, the Son who agonzied in the garden over what he was called by the Father to do and to realize the cost and sacrifice so that I may live forever with Him. It really is beyond what I can comprehend or even express here. Not only do I get to live and serve forever with God, but I also get to live for and serve Him for as long as I'm here. And when the days are tough, long and frustrating, I'm promised the help of the Holy Spririt, and can call on him day and night. In fact, I'm told I need to cling to Jesus, run to him, call on him and constantly depend on him, rather than depend on myself.

And as I sat in the pew and called out to God, and clung to Him, I was reminded of some events of the past few days with my son. He's been a little clingy lately. He has a tough time with transitions as it is (known as a "Spirited Child", but that's for another post), and he's been practically begging me to play with him everyday. I'd rather not admit it, but his behavior has really been annoying to me lately. I had to peel him off of me on Wednesday when I left him in the kids-time so I could go to a bible study, and had to walk away watching him cry, and instead of feeling compassion for him I was so glad I was having some "me" time. (He was fine just a few minutes after I left, and I spent a good part of the bible study praying for him) I was struck by the images of the past few days, and more specifically my attitude. Is God EVER annoyed with me when I call on Him? Even if I call on him repeatedly - upwards of 100 times a day - "God HELP me!!". When my son is in need, whether it's for comfort, for companionship, for discipline (teaching & boudaries), or for help, I can do it with a gracious attitude and a loving heart. I was reminded of the image of myself talking to little-boy through clenched teeth, with a harsh tone of voice, as I was trying to get him to be quite while I breifly talked on the phone, and thought, "there's a better way". It only takes me about 30 seconds longer to stop, look to the Lord/call on him/ask him for help, and then THINK about what I want to say and how I could say it, and then proceed with the action. So I repented of my attitude, and my goal is to contine to repent, in the sense that I turn from the way I would naturally handle a stiuation, and go a new direction - His direction for my interactions with others

I haven't realy given up anything for Lent this year, like food or tv shows (I don't even get to watch the ones I TiVo!). But maybe what I need to give up are my selfish and unloving reactions, and instead embrace the humility of Jesus, and choose the better way.

Livin' in LA

2006-01-22T14:22:00.000-08:00

Yes - I live in LA.

I kind-of forget this fact, but I'm usually reminded of the reality as I sit in crazy traffic just to make a quick trip to the grocery store . . . especially if it's anytime after 3pm on a weekday. Ok, my point in brining this up . . . celebrity sightings!

Even at church.

Ok, so the person I saw at church wasn't an official 'celebrity', but she is on a very popular sitcom right now. I have to admit I don't know her name. She's on "The Office" and plays one of the office staff, and I think her character was dating "Dwight" on the show . .?? She has very blonde hair. Seeing people in real life who are on TV is kind of an odd experience. I'm simply going throught the motions of my uninteresting existence in this city (usually errands) and my eyes are slowly scanning a sea of unfamiliar faces, when all of the sudden I'm recognizing someone right in front of me. And in a split second I realize it's not someone I know (like a friend) but someone from TV. (or a movie, but that's pretty rare). Shortly after the 'recognition moment' I turn away so I'm not staring at this person, who probably gets stared at quite bit. But, then I have to steal another glance to make sure who I'm seeing *really is* who I'm seeing. I have to remain very nonchalant and cool . . like I really could care less that this person is so recognizable. In the case of female celbrities, I'm always amazed at how small they are. I'm not huge, (5'8"), but the gal I saw today was probably around 5'4" and just tiny. Around the holidays I also had multiple sightings of Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina the Teenage Witch), and she was 9 mo. pregnant. (She's now had the baby . . .a boy, I think.)

After I saw the gal from "The Office" and was making my way out of the building, I kind of wanted to tell her how much I enjoy the show. But I didn't. I felt like it might of been really intrusive of me - or she may have really appreciated the feedback - who knows.

Something else altogether . . . . . I heard about a website called happynews.com. It's real news from all around the world, but it's only positive stuff. Check it out if you get a chance, especially if you find yourself depressed by the regular news which tends to be mostly bad.

Once A Month?

2006-01-06T12:48:00.000-08:00

*This post was originally typed 5 days ago, and I was going to include cool links on a few of my "20", but I've lost my HTML cheat sheet, so, no links.

Gosh, it's qute sad to me, but true. I really only post here about once a month these days. 'What happened'? I ask myself. Life . . just the daily-ness of life. And I get to the end of the day, thinking I'm ready to record a few thoughts that have been swirling around, and then I just crash. Well, here's a few of the random thoughts . . I'll call it:

20 Random Things (I may not even get to 20)

1. Yesterday - I was informed that my son's asthma medication I ordered a few days prior was not sent out. Then, I unknowingly tracked oil from the driveway, on my shoes, onto our just cleaned off-white carpet. I then spent a 1/2 hr. cleaning it up. (Why we have off-white carpet- It came with the house when we bought it, and we decided to keep it.)

2. Also yesterday - a gallon plastic jug of juice fell off a low shelf (with the help of my 3 yr. old) and broke -what??!! It's plastic, that's why we buy the plastic!! Ah, now we know that the lid of the container hit the tile floor at just the right angle and broke off, sending White grape/Peach juice all over the kitchen floor.

3. The good thing about a plastic bottle breaking? No shards of glass to be concerned about for bare feet. (I had to look for the blessing in this, as I was mopping up juice and trying to convince the 3 yr. old to stay in his room while mommy cleaned.)

4. Baby news is so fun to read about and always lifts my spirits. (Link was suppose to be here.)

5. I Decided to tune in for NBC's new "Comedy Thursday", as they try to recreate the phenomenal ratings of the "Friends bloc" days. Although I skipped "Will & Grace" (too raunchy) but did watch the new "Kings", or "4 Kings" or whatever. So . . . NOT. . funny, to me. It was so disrespectful toward women, with the characters referring to them as "whoe's" (how do I even spell it? - the slang version of 'whores' basically) "My Name Is Earl" was funny. "The Office" was funny, but very touching and sad too. Poor Jim.

6. Chocolate has become a major food group for me lately, and I'm thinking that's not such a good thing.

7. I made no New Year's resolutions this year. And I'm perfectly fine with it.

8. I'm not even to #10 yet and I'm already running out of stuff to put down. My brain is just not kicking into gear at the moment.

9. I may get to see "Pride & Prejudice" this weeknd. (I did see it!! Very good!) I'd still like to see "The Family Stone" and "Narnia".

10. Haircut update: I did not cut it all off. It's still growing out and it's looks quite scary most days. I'm hoping it's long enough by April that I can just wear all, or part of it, up for my sister's wedding.

11. The wedding is in Hawaii. My hair doesn't do too well with humidity.

12. Although I did not make any official resolutions, I have been working on a project to create (and keep) a budget for our family. This is not easy for me, but I keep plugging away at it.

13. It rained on the Rose Parade, but today it's 85 degrees.

14. My 3 yr. old little guy has been well for 2 weeks straight. Although, in the last 24 hours he has developed his 'sinusitis' symptoms again. Hopefully, it will not progress into an infection.

15. We visited a new specailist - an Ear, Nose & Throat doctor - for my son over the holidays. The man was very smart, but the 'bedside manner' was seriously lacking. (Smart & Smarmy I like to call him) He lectured me for almost 20 min. straight and then said my son just needed to 'learn to live with a snotty nose'. Really?! Interesting. We won't be going back there.

16. Celebrating Christmas with a 3 year old is a ton of fun. He was so excited about everthing. We have a Playmobile Nativity set. He gets really into playing with all the pieces and has the baby Jesus doing sommersaults sometimes. Makes me wonder what Jesus was like at age 3.

17. I have a sinking feeling that the nap isn't going to happen for little-guy today. (He's in his room, on his bed, and calling my name every 5 minutes to say 'Good Morning - it's wake up time'. ) I've resigned myself to the fact that the naps don't happen every day now, but it sure would be nice for today. (Update: it didn't)

18. I'm finishing up my son's pre-school application for next year and it's stressing me out.

19. I have no resolutions, but in another person's post, she listed "7 Things to do Less of in 2006". A few of hers shall now be mine:
Criticize
Fear the unknown
Sweat the small stuff
Expect too much of myself and others
Not Expect enough of God
(Thanks Anne) (again, another link that is not here.)

20. A great verse to focus on. "Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day . . . . They are not just idle words for you - they are your life"
Deut. 32:46,47

Bad Hair Day

2005-12-18T15:31:00.000-08:00

I'm having one.

A bad hair day.

I'm actually having a bad hair month because I'm trying to grow my short hair long again. Why?? Why not. Well, I'm asking my self 'why' more and more these days as my hair looks considerably worse as the days go by. I'm one of those gals who can wear either short hair, or very long hair, but not really anything in the middle. I'm offically in the "middle" category of hairstyles right now and it looks awful. Then I go and watch "You've Got Mail" (on TBS) yesterday, and Meg Ryan's hair is SO cute and short. Mine actaully used to look very similar to that style about a year ago. I really liked it. The only thing is, I really don't look like Meg Ryan, but I somehow thing having a hairstyle like she did then, will help my chances of looking more like her.

Why am I growing my hair long again? Oh yeah, . . .I figured that this is the last time in my life I can probably wear long hair and not look like I'm trying to look younger than I am . . or something like that. I have good hair, . . or so the gal who cuts my hair tells me. I don't know . . I have an appointment with her on Wednesday and I may need to have her cut it all off again. She'll try to talk me out of it. I know because we've been having the 'short vs. long' conversations for the past year now - everytime I go in. I think I USED to have really good hair, but age really does change your hair texture and so on. Although I'm only 35 (gulp), I don't have the same hair I did when I was 25.

For those who think blogs are only places for self-absorbed people to write about themselves, . . .well, .. this post just confirmed it.

But, for women, hair is a big deal. As I'm sure many of my female readers can relate to. I'll let you know what happens Wednesday.

Quick Update

2005-12-14T22:24:00.000-08:00

First of all, THANK YOU, to anyone who still comes by and reads my blog. I can't even believe how infrequently I post, and yet you still read. Since I wrote that last post, it's been 3 weeks, off and on, of a sick almost 3 yr. old. The latest thing was a sinus infection from chronic sinusitus and so he's on the pink medicine - AGAIN. But, thankfully we're back to sleeping through the night and having a young one who acts like a lively almost 3-yr. old. Life kind of revolves around getting him to use his nebulizer, coaxing him to take the nose sprays (there are two), and keeping the humidifier clean. Whoops. . . the humidifier needs to be replaced - my job for tomorrow.

So not exciting, but that's what's going on for now.

I'm Still Here

2005-11-23T16:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've been 'gone' for a while, but I am still in the blogging world . . . sort of. Combination of little boy being sick, me getting a sinus infection, work done on the house, getting sucked into some new fall TV shows in the evening hours, . . etc, etc, and I have basically been preoccupied. I can't claim any real good or noble reasons for being gone, but I have been lurking around at other bloggers sites, and have just recently started commenting at a few of them again. (You know who you are.)

So, I'm thinking I'd like to write a post about how I have one more month of my son being 2 years old. He will never be 2 again, and some days I'm in a panic over whether or not I really savored all his 2-year-old happenings. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but he's growing up . . fast, and I want to enoy all there is in certain stages of his life. I'm gearing up for age 3 too, and preparing myself for the "terrible twos" that never occured around here, because the big secret is that 3 is the real monster year. If some of the tantrums I've seen in the past 6 weeks are any indication, we could be in for a wild ride. (Look out 2006, here we come!!) I guess I just wrote what I wanted to.

The TV shows I've gotten sucked-into ??? "Related" on the WB, "My Name is Earl" & "The Office" on NBC. If you love these shows like I do, you are now my friend.

Little boy is sick again - having asthma & allergies kind of makes one prone to getting every little cold - and he's now going at a rate of one per month. So, we're due for the next one right before Christmas, but right after his birthday.

If I don't post again . . .HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

A Little of This and That

2005-10-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hi.
How's it going?
Maybe I really should write this post as a letter, or better, an email to whoever is reading. I actually almost named this blog "Letters to June" so that my wirting would reflect the casual way I just launch off emails to my friend chronicling my day, the frustrations, the funny stuff, celebrity obsessions . .you know. I really don't have any celebrity obsessions, but sometimes I make my little comment or two on what's happeing with the latest celebrity couple, or what celebrity just had a baby and what she (or they) nammed him or her. (Jack is popular, . . .Apple??) I will say, if you ever come up with a really cute and orginal name that you want to keep "safe" for your own use, just pray a celebrity doesn't use it. My friend June that I referred to regularly talked about using the name Ella if she had a girl. This was long before either of us had kids, and I have to say I was a little jealous when she told me. Man, what a GREAT name - if only I had thought of it! But, then John Travolta and Kelly Preston named their little girl Ella, and now Ben Stiller has a daughter - also Ella. There is a little Ella in my mom's group at church too. I don't know that it's completely over-used, saturated, or as my husband would say, "has jumped the shark", but it's just not AS original as it once was. Just think Maddison, or Madeline about 10 years ago. (Two names which I loved and still do . . . .Maddy is the cutest . . . but it's like the name Jennifer when I was in school . . .always at least one, if not two, in all my classes.) Well, June has two boys, so the whole girl name thing is off the table . . . for now.

OK, on to props to other bloggers. I was introduced to Crib Ceiling by Mel, and her "Milkandjuice" post is so right on the money. It's about what one thinks being a stay-at-home-mom will be like versus the reality of being one. Lunches with friends - hardly ever. But, ear infections, cranky pre-schooler needing lots of comforting, endlessly messy house, and all that . . .ok, that's the reality. (At least it is for me for the past week and a-half - and I only have one!) Here's an excerpt that I just had to quote:

"But barring keeping the full time day care – YOU become the full time day care. Providing three meals and two snacks a day. Changing, clothing, holding, comforting, reading, playing. Cooking, laundry, pick-up. Playgroups, parks, grocery store. There’s not a lot of time in there for, oh I don’t know, lunch with girlfriends and volunteer work, let alone your novel or other secret project."

If you can, go read the rest of it because it's great.

In reading it all I could think of was "expectations". They can make or break our experience of anything. If I expect motherhood to be blissful moments of adoring my child, carefully crafting my discipline strategies so that my child is obedient, respectful and pleasant, and meal planning to make dinnertime flow seamlessly, then I might be just a little bitter when I have a baby who is colicky and unconsolable, a toddler/pre-schooler who has temper tantrums, throws things, and actually has emotions of anger, frustration and disappointment - oh, and the meal planning goes completely out the window and you end up eating lots of pizza and McDonalds (not all the time, but there are certainly seasons.) It's just plain work and the kind almost no one else sees throughout most of the day. From now on I'm just going to expect everyday to be challenging, difficult and madening, and then I'll have a day every now and then when I'm pleasantly surprised. When I ask my child to come and get his diaper changed he'll just walk on over to me and say "ok mom" and I'll pratically throw him a party 'cause it wasn't a disaster. And we can laugh. Laughing about whatever always makes it better. I tend to forget that part.
Ok, bye for now!

Loopy From the Fumes

2005-10-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

Paint fumes, that is. Right now they are painting the trim which is oil-based, and man what a smell!! I'm trying to leave alot of the windows open, but it's a little tough with all the rain. But, I will not be complaining about the rain because I'm so glad it's here!! In typically sunny So. Cal it's such a great change of pace to have the rain. Although, last year we had quite alot of it . . I don't think I'd do too well in places like Portland or Seattle - just a little too depressing to have it almost all the time.

The 'Pumpkin Creme' color in the living room is growing on me. It's received alot of positive reviews so that's good.

I was a part of a strange situation over the weekend. We went to a local pumpkin farm/picking patch to get pumpkins with the grandparents. Everything was great. We checked-out in the line with our pumpkins, and then waited off to the side for my mother-in-law to get some fresh produce too. As we waited a mom with her three kids and a huge wagon of pumpkins she had just paid for came up beside us. The mom told her kids to wait right there not move, and then walked away. I figured she forgot something at the check-out area and would be right back, but it was a little odd that she just left them there. There were two boys, probably 7 & 8, and a little girl about 4. A few minutes passed and something happened with the little girl and she started crying. I kept thinking, "where's the mom - what could be taking her so long?" Next thing I knew the little girl started walking off, right into the path of a car. I ran over to her and guided her back to where her brothers were standing with their pumpkins and asked her to wait there for her mom. I kept thinking the mom would be there any second. Another woman who saw the whole thing happen was pretty mad. I thought, "now maybe this woman (who left the kids) had a really tough day, and it was everything she could do to get her kids out to do something fun . . ", I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. We all do things at times that seem fine right in the moment, and then later realize we should have done differently.

We contined to wait - we had to wait- for this mom to come back. I finally saw her driving her car up to the spot to load up the pumpkins and her kids. The little girl was still crying when the mom got out of the car. I chose not to say anything to her. I could have. Maybe I should have. But I knew God knew what had happened, and her boys saw it all too, so I said a little prayer for that whole family and we proceeded to walk to our car. I felt bad later that I didn't do more to comfort that little girl while she was so upset over whatever had happened.

When we got home and all settled I was looking over the photos we had taken with the digital camera, and in the background of one of the photos were the three children from the earlier episode. I prayed for them again. If I am ever faced with a similar situation, I hope I do more.

I Think I Hate It

2005-10-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

Painters are here, painting the interior of the house. One room is part-way done and I like the color. Another room is completely done, and I . . think . . .I think I hate it. We went out on a limb and chose a very BOLD and dramatic color for our living room. We even consulted an interior designer. The official color name is "Pumpkin Creme", but it just looks . . . orange. Orange can be good, but we have big black chairs in our living room, so it looks a little Halloween-like. Maybe I'll get used to it. "Trick or Treat!!"

Caution: Men At Work

2005-10-12T14:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this week there will be various people working on and in my house. Does anyone else experience this. . . . the total awkwardness when you're home and someone is working in the house. They probably aren't even paying attention to what I'm doing - which should be the case if they are doing the work - but I feel so self-conscious! ESPECIALLY if I have a moment when my child isn't listening to me, or he's throwing a tantrum, etc. There is someone here now, but the part that makes it not so weird is that he's mainly working outside today (whew!). Painters will be here tomorrow, and I had planned on hanging out briefly while they set-up, go over any details, etc. and be on my merry way to escape the paint fumes and generally be out of the way. However, yesterday the painting company guy tells me they REALLY prefer that I be here the entire time they are painting. It's going to be 4-5 DAYS, and I'm suppose to stay here - with a two-and-a-half-year-old?? Hmmmm. I'll come up with something to do. It's a good lesson, in a way for me, becaue I'm usually way too concerned with what others are thinking of me, and having to remind myself, "You are not the center of everyone else's universe - they don't really care."

Now I'm being asked to make a kitty-cat out of play-dough. So not in my skill-set but I'll make a go of it.

Radio

2005-10-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

My husband and I watched the movie "Radio" last night, starring Ed Harris & Cuba Gooding Jr. Such a great film! I vaguely remember when it came out and thought it looked good. I'm so glad I saw it - and it's a great family film too. Get in in your Netfilx cue, or go on down to the local video store and check it out.

Something odd. . . .I got my first good night's sleep in quite a while, but I'm more tired today than I've been all week. Go figure!!

No More!

2005-10-07T13:11:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems my blog is being taken over by spamming, or spammer comments. I know there is a way I can delete these, but I have not gotten there yet. In the meantime I am 'protesting' by not writing anything. (??) So, until I can get this fixed, it may be a while. Have a great weekend everyone!!

Where Have I Been?

2005-09-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

That's my question to myself. I most definitely have not been here - on this blog - writing anything. I've been out blog surfing on so many other sites, soaking up the thoughts and threads of others, making comments, thinking of expanding further here, but then not. I've also been reading alot of books. I tend to be a fast reader and almost absorb books, especially if they are well written and something I connect to. I realized the other day, one of the times I feel most like myself is when I am reading a book. I also feel very much like me when I get to play tennis, but there aren't very many opportunities for that, so I'll stick with reading. And going to church. I feel like me when I go to church, especially if I get to sing "Be Thou My Vision". My husband is out of town on business, and I was wondering what the little man and I would be doing this evening . . .maybe we'll go to church. I am very blessed that there is a wonderful presbyterian church just a few miles from me that provides excellent childcare, and has a great evening service. I used to go to a mom's program there on Wednesday mornings, but it hasn't worked out so far this year. In some ways I'm relieved to not be going because I didn't always feel like I fit in there - at the mom's group. Maybe I should try it out again.

A great quote on parenting from Barbara Curtis, actually an excerpt from her open letter on the Ezzo parenting philosophy:
"The Ezzos take as their starting point that our society has become too child-centered. In looking around me, I can only disagree. At no time in history, I believe, have parents ever been so self-centered. So many daily parental decisions are based on society's encouragement not to neglect their own needs."
And this:
" Although the discipline of children has deteriorated drastically in the past generation, I do not believe it is due to the fact that parents are putting their children first."
Amen. I am striving to parent in a way that let's my child know that his thoughts, needs, and emotions are valid and I want to hear them . . .even if it's uncomfortable or inconvenient to me. I have MANY issues with the whole Ezzo thing, but I thought Barbara's statements spoke to the heart of why that parenting philosophy can be dangerous.
More thoughts, quotes and comments along these lines to come.

Tragedy Beyond Words

2005-09-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

I actually have no time to post this right now, but my head is swirling with thoughts & reactions to the Katrina devestation. I'm going to mention other bloggers, but don't have time to link them at the moment - I only know how to link the slow way and I'll have to do it later when I have time. This is a tragedy beyond words - beyond comprehension, beyond anything I've ever seen in this country. I hope my words, wonderings, and heartfelt expressions here will not end up sounding hollow in the midst of what my fellow americans are going through right now.

-A quote that I want to include from Barbara Curtis: "All my own complaints and "stuff" just seems so trivial compared to this threat to our country's integrity." It sure does put things into perspective. The things I was so amazingly and immaturely upset about 24-48 hours ago are nothing compared to facing a future with no home, no job and no school for one's kids. The folks of the gulf coast will have to completely reconstuct their entire lives, probably in a place no where near where they were living, admist complete strangers, having to rely on the kindness of fellow countrymen to get some sense of normal again. They all are dealing with loss of loved ones too.

-Criticism of what is happening and not happening down there is not something I feel I can do at this point. Trying to place blame at this point detracts from the problem solving and resourcefulness that needs to be on everyone's minds. It's very difficult to simultaneously criticize and brainstorm and pray for how to help that entire region. Hugh Hewitt is taking the lead in the blogworld in this arena and I applaud him.

-I know the job of the Armed forces in the situation in N.O. is tough . . . they will have to probably end up shooting Americans who are looting, and committing unspeakable acts of violence. I don't even like having to write that, but it is the harsh reality.

-One of my worst fears in the midst of this whole thing is that the terrorist will take this opportunity to "kick us while we're down", so to speak. I'm praying for God's hand on our country at this time, and that any attempts by them to do so will be thwarted.

- President Bush and all the other county, government and state officials need our prayers right now: prayers for wisdom and leadership.

-The blogworld is doing an amazing job at mobilizing people and getting out information on what is happening and what is needed. I hope I can be a positive part in that, in whatever small way I'm able.

Thwarting a Nap Strike

2005-08-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

In my previous post I mentioned my hope that little boy would settle back into his napping routine. NOT SO MUCH. So , I have resorted to putting him in his pack-n-play for naptime

This post is interrupted by my computer COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT and erasing complete sentences and paragraphs of what I have written!! I re-typed certain things twice and then still had it deleted. I'm tired, I don't have the patience for this.

Anyways, to continue . . yes, he's now napping consistently in the pack-n-play, but sleeping in the big-boy-bed at night. He needs the nap, and I need him to get the nap.

I'm sad. A good friend who is a stay at home mom and has a son that my son loves to play with is going back to work next week. I will miss hanging out with her and having the two boys play together regularly. She found a great nanny, who I met today, and her boys (a younger son too) will be in good hands. My son and her son saw each other today for the first time since we've been back from vacation and they ran up and gave each other a hug. It was very sweet.

Does anyone elses kids have a tough time with life when they are about to go through a developmental milestone, change or growth spurt? I think mine is one the verge of something of that sort because he is set off by the slightest thing lately. (Maybe it's just that he's 2 going on 3??) Twice today he was instantly in tears over which book I was going to read to him. He's suddenly doing a lot of pretend play, and his vocabulary seems to grow tremendously each day. He loves to either be a cat or a dog.
There's so much going on in life when your 2 & 1/2 - I think I'd have a hard time with it too.

Back in the Saddle Again

2005-08-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

We're HOME! I've been gone almost 3 weeks, and I feel like I have completely forgotten how to blog. After spending my days in a small, sleepy coastal town with lots of fog, all I have to say is this. . . . . IT'S HOT!!! Summer can officially end now. Tomorrow will be spent getting groceries, unpacking, making phone calls, etc. I've been spoiled on many different levels over the past few weeks, but mostly with having my son back in a coralled (pack-in-play) sleeping area and not having to deal with no naps or problems with going to sleep/getting out of bed. I'm hoping he got some good habits going and continues now that we're home. (yeah, right.) Vacation stories will come soon.

Leaving Soon

2005-08-07T22:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'll be leaving for a while. I was originally going to be leaving this coming Friday, but plans have changed (there is a longer version) and now I'm leaving tomorrow. It's not a bad thing, but moving up the vacation start means a whole lot of things needed to get done ALOT sooner, and now I'm super tired. I may have time to blog in the morning, but I may not. I realize at this point that I don't have a ton of regular readers, but I like letting people know what's going on.

Little boy is doing pretty well on giving up the pacifier. There hasn't been any crying, but it can take him quite a while to get to sleep (1 hour or more at night) and for a few days he didn't nap at all. Now, in the midst of this he caught a stomach bug (no throwing up -thank God). He's recovered from that . . . but, now he seems to be getting a cold. He's quite a trooper about it all . . I'm very blessed. Thanks for the prayers!

Bye Bye Pacifier

2005-08-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, my child has used a pacifier since he was 3mo. old. We restricted it to nap/bedtime use when he was about 15mo. old. It helped him so much through all his teething as well as some transitions (our move to this house last year for example). After talking to a friend about it this morning, I decided that today was the day. He's been in a big boy bed for almost 3 weeks now, and overall likes the idea of being a 'big boy'. So, I've capitalized on that phrase as I helped him to understand that the pacifier would not be used anymore. We've also been reading a book called 'Bye Bye Pacifier' where little Miss Piggy gives up her pacifier. He did pretty well at naptime . . . .he asked for it alot, he then protested "no" in his bed repeatedly for a few minutes and then transitioned to singing "no" to the tune of the Star Wars theme. Shortly after that he fell asleep. This evening was a little more difficult. I did his usual bedtime routine with him and he asked for pacifier again, and again . . .and AGAIN. Each time I told him it wasn't coming back and tried to remain calm and help him focus on other things (his blankie & stuffed dog). Once I officially put him "to bed" I had to go back in twice (he was yelling "I WANT PACIFIER") to talk with him, give lots of hugs, and reassure him that it would be ok. Over an hour since the original bedtime, he seems to be settling down. I'm preparing myself for a nighttime waking (or two) as he looks for it in the night. I'm hopeful this won't be too hard . . . . for either of us. It seems like a pretty good time to do it (as if there is ever a 'good' time) . . .and there are other things comming up - vacation, his starting preschool, and the inevitable colder weather colds - that would mean more difficulty in getting over giving up the pacifier. I'm hoping for the best. If you think about it, PLEASE PRAY . . . . for the both of us.

Some Thoughts Before I Sleep

2005-07-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

As I lie in bed, reading my book, thankful that a migraine seems to be disappearing, I think about mothering. I think this:
I want to know. I want to hear. The words said in his funny way of saying them. Yes, I'm tired, I've spent the whole day with him, you'd think I'd be ready for a break, but as I have the opportunity to listen as he's in his room alone, quieting down for sleep, I turn up the monitor - so I can hear. I hear pages of a book being turned, and his little voice telling the words of the story he's memorized. Now he's talking to his stuffed dog, and does the voice for his dog answering back. He makes a few "rocketship" sounds and the minutes pass; he speaks less and less and now I only hear the sound of tired sighs and yawns. I want to know - the things that capture his little mind and aid him in his journey to the land of peaceful slumber. He will continue to grow and move on from this phase of his life, but when I turn up that monitor and listen in, I get to capture in my memory these small and happy sounds. I'm sure it doesn't make sense . . that it's not rational or logical that the one person who I've been with the whole day captures my attention in these final moments before sleep. I"ll see him in a few short hours, to spend another whole day living life and doing the daily job of being a mom. But I think that's part of what makes motherhood so special and amazing . . it's not rational at all. But, then again, I don't think that's what we count on love to be - logical, rational - we count on it to be amazing, daring, willing to be inconvenienced and ready to do anything for those we love. If we are loving, and in doing so, going beyond ourselves, we do the very thing that doens't make any sense.

Blog? What Blog?

2005-07-26T14:03:00.000-07:00

So, my blogging entries have been few and far between lately. A combo of summer/outdoor busy-ness, working on our house to get it ready to sell, and . . . . . laziness??? Yeah, sometimes I even think of great things to blog about, but then the motivation goes right out the door. I'm actually still in that lazy mindset, but I wanted to blog anyways - I'm sure my readers (all 3 of them at this point) will greatly appreciate it. (he, he - sure they will) I'm so lazy that I could be giving you some great links here too . . . but the effort to do that is beyond me . . . . web addresses might do the trick. Some things I've been giving some thought to lately:
A list of actors that would make it on a "hottie" list, if I had one (well, I guess I do now). Thanks to Gina for this one (objustanotherday.blogspot.com). A few that come to mind.

Christian Bale - currently in Batman Begins, but also GREAT in Little Women.
Matthew Broderick (married to Sarah Jessica Parker) I first loved him in Ladyhawke (1985), and was completely smitten in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
I'm usually more into the 'adorable' look than complete hunkiness . . . . for example in the movie "How To Win A Date With Tad Hamilton", I really like Topher Grace, but there's no arguing on the off-the-chart handsomeness of his co-star Josh Duhamel. I think he's also on the series "Las Vegas" and was part of the Gap ad campaign last fall. It's one of those times where you find yourself thinking 'how can somone BE that good-looking?', (or in the case of Brooke Shields or Halle Berry, 'it's just not fair to the rest of us!')
I will concur with Gina on Matthew McConaughey, and although I could also agree about her pick of Viggo Mortenson from the Lord of the Rings Triology, my top pick from those films would have to be Orlando Bloom.

I guess this post is the equivalent to "summer lite". A movie I'm planning on seeing very soon, but with no human actors to drool over - I mean, appreciate, is "March Of the Peguins". I might even take my 2 1/2 yr. old too.

Center of the Universe

2005-07-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

I've got a question (or two) for anyone who so desires to answer. What exactly does it look like to have your life revolve around your child? When is someone being a responsible, dedicated & loving parent, and when do they officially "cross the line" into possible obsession? When sacrifices are required be a parent, how does one defend such sacrifices as a normal part of parenting? The time one has to be a parent at any one particular phase is so short, and as I'm reminded by so many, it all goes by quickly. So, I do try to savor the moments as best I can and take advantage of the time and opportunities. I have happy memories.

By the way, the sleeping in the 'big-kids-bed' is generally going well. It took about 4 nights for him to get used to it, and now he doesn't ask to sleep in his crib anymore. He does imagine that things in his room are something scary, and so we go around and point out how it's not scary because it's just a toy, shadow, etc.

I'm officially feeling old today because I've started taking a 'Women's Multi Vitamin'. I will be 35 in about 6 weeks, and it freaks me out a bit. I'm hoping the vitamins will help with my energy levels, or lack thereof.

The posts will get more interesting . . . .. I promise.

This is the Week

2005-07-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

As of today, our son has a new 'big-boy-bed'. It's a toddler bed. We have probably done this all wrong, as we didn't really prepare him for it, except for reading a book about big-boy beds a few times. . . . . . over the past few months. Well, the crib is no longer in one piece, so it's not an option, and the bed is all set in his room. It's naptime . . . he's been playing in there now for about an hour. He gets down from the bed and brings various toys back to the bed to play with. Normally I really plan for transitions like these, but this seemed to be a bit more haphazzard and I think we're going to be paying for it. Or, it could just be the normal transition pains of moving to the new bed. Sleep will happen at some point. If anyone has any tips for how to get him to stay in the bed, I'm all ears. Thanks!

Movies

2005-07-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

Over the past few months I've had the chance to see some movies . . . . in the theaters! Netflix is not longer my sole support of movie watching. Anyways, just wanted to share a few thoughts on what I've seen so far, and some that are coming out soon.

Cinderella Man: Very good. Great acting & great story.

Crash: Very controversial and a little in your face with stuff.

Batman Begins: This one surprised me in a very good way. Christain Bale does an amazing job as Batman. The script is intelligent and not-cheesy. Some parts were a little creepy, in a horror-film kind of way, but I just closed my eyes at those parts.

Preview of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Usually I'm a big fan of any Tim Burton film, but Johnny Depp just looks too weird in this one for me. He's a little too pale, and the smile is just errie.

That's all for now. Wedding Crashers looks pretty darn funny. Might have to shell-out the ten bucks to see that one.

A Woman's Calling

2005-07-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

I've been reading lately, on various blogs and in books, about the role of women in today's world- specifically women who are mothers. There are some who make the case for a college education (which I think is great - I'm looking forward to the day when I can go back to get my Masters degree). Others say the best place for moms is at-home, and then the ones who say not only are we to be at-home to raise our children but we must educate them ourselves as well (i.e. homeschooling). There are also places that encourage women to be the best mom's they can be, but to also keep their own interests alive and seek out opportunities that feed their minds and souls.

One of the books I'm reading is "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge. I was encouraged and challenged by this:
"We need you. We need you to awaken to God more fully and to awaken to the desires of the heart that he placed within you so that you will come alive to him and to the role that is yours to play. Perhaps your are meant to be a concert musician or a teacher. Perhaps you are meant to be a neurologist or a horse trainer. Perhaps you are to be an activist for ecology or the poor or the aged or the ill. You are certainly called to be a woman wherever else he leads you. And that is crucial, dear heart. Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you. He will lead you first into himself: and then, with him, he will lead you into the world that he loves and needs you to love."

I think women who are called specifically to be a "stay-at-home-mom" have a particular joy, passion and beauty that radiates as they fulfill this call and do it wholeheartedly for the Lord. But there is also a place for those who have other callings. Some women have an ache in their soul to be and do something else as well- and that may very well come from God. I'm not talking about the world's version of a career - where making loads of money and living for oneself are the chief goals - or even for complete self-gratification when it's a career that doesn't invlove alot of financial reward. But, some women have a gift and a desire to do something other than motherhood in thier lives. To make anyone feel as though that is somehow wrong, or not in line with scripture, is misleading.

Without quoting extensively from the book, I have made a short list of the women both John & Stasi know and refer to in the book as those who have followed the call God put upon their lives:
A career missionary friend for 32 years, the last 14 spent in Columbia ministering in the country's most notorious prisons.

An Ivy-League graduate from a home with both parents as professionals, a brother with a law degree and a sister who is a physican - who just gave up an amazing career to be a stay-at-home-mom to her newborn son. This was her calling - "there's nothing she'd rather do" - but her family and friends don't understand.

An 18-yr old young woman who loves God and felt called to compete in one of the most grueling athletic events - the Iditarod. She became the youngest person to complete this race.

A women's ministry leader, who served faithfully for decades and then was called by God to leave this ministry and "sit at his feet. Alone. He called her to leave her position on the church staff . . .and to quit leading her Bible study and accountability group. He asked her to become a woman of 'one thing'- to become a Mary, a woman devoted to worship. To minister to the heart of God." In chosing to heed this call she was chastised publicly for "abandoning the Great Comission", and she was accused and misunderstood.

The list of examples is followed by this statement: "You see, our true places as women in God's story are as diverse and unique as wildflowers in a field." Earlier in the chapter there is also a list of women from the Bible who had equally diverse callings, and included there are Rahab, Esther, Lydia, Nympha & Apphia, and Priscilla.

I think I'll be needed to do a "Part II" on this, as I'm running out of time. People have referred to seasons in a woman's life, and how we can celebrate those different seasons for each other, whatever they look like. I would hope that as we look at the season of motherhood, especially of young children, we can encourage each other along the way.

Why Are We So Full Of Ourselves

2005-06-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

Peggy Noonan has a great column today. I think her observations and questions about our leaders in politics are right on the money. Sometimes I think the same could be said of so many of us. . . including myself. We're so quick to qualify ourselves - so that others know what we're about to say has some merit, or something. My words shouldn't deserve merit because of the person saying them. . . it should be the words themselves that inspire, encourage, and ultimately lead to thoughts that become actions. Those actions become a life of integrity. We don't have to talk about our integrity, because our lives speak for themsevles. We don't have to mention our humility; it's obvious as we seek to become lesser, or in the words of John the Baptist, "He must become greater; I must become less." (NIV). Peggy refers to Billy Graham in her column as a contrast to those with "wildly inflated self-regard". She calls Billy a "great man" and goes on to say "He bears within him the deep reservoirs of sweetness". I wholeheartedly agree with her. His last crusade will be the end of an era in our nation. I don't know that many other men, in politics, ministry or anywhere for that matter, who have the quiet humility he lives out so clearly and beautifuly. He somehow balances spreading the gospel, which requires talking to people, with not becoming too self-aware as he does it. The person of Billy Graham does not detract from the message of Billy Graham - and maybe that's it. Because it's not Billy's message he's delivering - its God's message - the Good News of Christ. A great piece on Billy's appeal can be found here.

Another man in the political realm who comes to mind as one of those who doesn't succumb to the self-aggrandizing is Bill Bennett. You can agree or disagree with the man's religion and politics, but whenever I've seen him he's always a class act. He speaks clearly, humbly and incredibly intelligently. He has a syndicated radio show that I wish I could hear. . .it does air in LA, but at 3am. (Hmmm . . both of these men I refer to have the first name "Bill" or "Billy". Mabye I could have called this a tale of Three Bills, and then tacked a certain former president on as an example of how NOT to be a class act . . but I digress.)

I will say for me, the main reason I become so full of myself, my thoughts, my theories, ME - is because I'm not full enough of God. He created me for goodness sake, and yet I want to promote ME every chance I get. It almost gets to the point of this piece of clay telling the Potter, "You know, God, things would really be much better if I told you just how to mold me, in fact, I think I'll mold myself, thank you very much." Do you think God ever laughs to himself about us: "Those little pots of clay sure do like to hear themselves talk." Rather than worrying about how I'll look, or shallow attempts to be witty or smart I need to ask for His wisdom, and His ways. "He must become greater, I must become less."

Back in LA

2005-06-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

We were gone for the weekend. Now we're back. Coming back can be depressing. No more lounging around, reading books, going to the park and eating out for almost every meal. (Nothin' fancy -but I didn't have to do any dishes!)

I got a spider bite just before we left. How did I know it was a spider?? Well, I was in the back yard and grabbed the broom leaning against the fence to sweep the patio. I realized that a spider web was attached to the broom and as I was getting it off me, I felt the bite. It swelled up pretty quickly and a little blister appeared too. I didn't get a look at the spider. The bite area has now healed, but I've been feeling lousy the past few days. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but I think it's from the spider bite. Of course I typed "spider bite" into the Google search area, and found out more than I ever needed to know about any kind of bite one can get. No, I don't think it was a Brown Recluse, or a Black Widow, but it could possibly have been a Wolf Spider, or a Jumping spider.

I think the most depressing part about being back is the amount of work that needs to get done around here in the next few weeks. See, we're going to put our house on the market. It's the right move for alot of reasons, but I'm just dreading the process. I'll give more details later. For now I'm going to continue to freak myself out more by reading additional info on spider bites. I'll let you know if I find anything good.

On A Much Lighter Note

2005-06-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

It's been one of those weeks. There has been good stuff, but lots of frustrating stuff too. This morning at 9:45am I was eating whipped cream straight from the can - mighty good I might add. And then this afternoon; nothing like a nice little jolt from the San Andreas Fault to top-off a week of poor sleep, workmen in your house, a fine layer of dust from said workmen and other life complexities. Yes, I love feeling like my nerves are completly on edge. Growing up in 'earthquake country' does not make me immune to them - I probably just hate them all the more. Time for bed, and hopefully some better sleep.

Another Agenda and 12 Step Meetings

2005-06-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'd like to write a post here, but my computer has it's own agenda. We have a new laptop - such a great thing - however the mouse pad is SUPER sensitive. This means that as I'm trying to frantically get my thoughts out before I loose them completely, the cursor jumps to another line and I start to type over what I've already written. (I guess my thumbs drag a little while I type.) Or worse, it erases almost an entire paragraph before I even know what is happening. UGH!! I'm very sleepy, much in need of a diet coke, and I'm just trying to get down some coherent thoughts before I have to tackle the horrible mess in my kitchen.

12 step meetings are an incredibly real place to deal with one's humanity, as well as one's spirituality. I don't think we can be truly spiritual unless we come face to face with what makes us human, and the messy-ness of it all. Can I really embrace Christ if I'm holding on to any false sense of who I think I am, or even who I'd like to be on my best day? He wants me to bring it all to him . . the questions, the doubts, the struggles, the joys, the hopes, the demands, the laughter and the tears. If I seek to keep any of it to myself, I just end up hurting others and stagnating in my growth. Church can be a weird place because theoretically it is to be a place where I come "Just as I am", but if I were truly that, I don't think many church folks would want to be around me. Honesty about who we are is so completely refreshing - it runs a close second to the refreshment the truth about Christ's love brings. But, do I go into a bible study and tell everyone about how controlling I am with my husband, and provide the gory details of words, tone & actions? No, but I might ask for prayer for a critical spirit, or a fearful heart - but I keep it right there, that way no one thinks badly of me. So much of our church life and our christianity becomes driven by what other believers might think of us. Not even what they WILL think of us, but what they MIGHT. Now, if I know I have any chance of encountering a judgemental or pharisaical response from someone, there's no way I share my "gory details" with another. I already know how I've failed, I'm not about to put myself in a place where I'll be condemned - simply for being honest. What is the fear? We don't want to lose our "status" in our faith community? Should a sense of status exist in such a place? Our we elevating man's opinion of us over God's? Do we fear man rather than God? And, do we elevate men and their theological expertise and stature over God as well?

I hate the fact that I sometimes yell at my child. But keeping that part of me hidden from others for fear of what they think of me will only allow it to continue. Do I really want to do better and get help with that? Then I need to reveal it.
Where have we come to in a community of faith where no one feels free to share real struggles. God is the only one with the ALL the answers, and often the wisest and bravest thing a person in chruch leadership can do is answer some questions with "I don't know". We don't know it all - no one does. I've heard someone say something like, those who authentically live out humility, love and christlikeness talk about it the least. Living it out for me means admitting the damage I've done, asking for forgiveness and then living the life of love. So much easier said then done, but thankfully I'm not left to my own devices to figure it out. I'll close as I would at a meeting; Thanks for letting me share.

Helping Me

2005-06-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

Before I begin my 'real' post I have to say, I was halfway through writing it and I hit some key (which one I don't know!) and my post just disappeared! Why are computers SO LAME sometimes?! Ok, onto my post.

My son has a phrase he likes to use when he's offering his help. "Helping me?", to which I reply, "Yes, you are helping me - thank you so much." It's very sweet. Although, I have to admit I don't always appreciate his efforts to 'help' me. I've been reflecting lately on some things in life that are pretty helpful to me right now. Here's a list - it n no particular order.

- My new front loading, extra-large capacity washer and dryer. Doing the laundry used to be such a chore, but now I almost enjoy it. I laughed when the delivery guys told me how these appliances would change my life - but they have. And they are so quiet. That is key when your washer and dryer are in your kitchen.

- Attending Al-Anon meetings. I've been going regularly now for a month and they so help me with my perspective on life. Growing up in an alcholoic home tends to load one up with quite a bit of baggage, and I didn't even realize how much of it I'm lugging around each day. The phrase "co-dependent" tends to be very cliche nowadays, but if the description fits. . . . .
My whole life revolved around what other people were doing, or more accurately put, not doing - especially, if in my opinion, they really needed to be doing it. I wondered how people could be so carefree - and, well . . happy. Even in spite of very imperfect relationship circumstances. I'm now learning. I have quite a ways to go . .but, I'm learning.

- Prayer. It always helps - and yet I still somehow manage to forget to do it. And then I wonder why I'm feeling so down, hopeless, and bugged. It's not a magic wand, but it always helps.

- Other bloggers book lists. I wasn't tagged on this one, but the responses from the other tag-ee's have given me a new reading list I'm eager to get started on. Barbara's (www.mommylife.net) included the Big Book of Al-Anon, which I should get soon. I'm also anxious to try Madeline L'Engle's Circle of Quiet, reccommended by Mel (http://melodee128.blogspot.com/), and a new one just released yesterday, Julie Ann Fidler's Adventures in Holy Matrimony. I was able to read the first chapter at Relevant Magazine (www.relevantmagazine.com/) and now I need to read the rest.

- And finally, thanks to my nephew (13), who watched my son yesterday afternoon so I could go get a pedicure & coffee and hang out with his mom. Such a great break!

Ever So Tired

2005-06-06T21:09:00.000-07:00

I really want to post about my new washer & dryer, and books and things in life that have been incredibly helpful, but my extreme tiredness is getting the best of me. Anyone ever heard of RLS?? (Restless Leg Syndrome). Not life threatening by any means, but oh so annoying when trying to get to sleep! I had a bad case of it last night and could not get to sleep. If you don't know what it is, be very glad. If you do - I really feel for you. Your body reaches that moment where you are about to drift off into dreamland and your legs move involuntarily and WAKE YOU UP! Sometimes this happens to me repeatedly over the course of an hour or so. Stretching can help, and light massage, too. However there are times when not even those remedies are not helpful. So, I'm off to try and sleep. I'm hoping with a good night's rest I'll be in a better blogging frame of mind tomorrow.

Another Good Quote

2005-06-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

"How often do we perceive mere well wishing as adequate aid to our brother's struggles over tangible services that we could immediately offer?
Humility? What is humility? From what I observe, I know it as a means of manipulation. I have been taught it as a tool to position others for my own gain. I do not really know it in the full context of elevating you over me, your needs above my own."

"I am an idealist of brotherly concern, not a practioner. I am a professor of its belief; at times I even claim it as my own, but ultimately the absence of deed testifies against me. I am the double-minded. I am the forgetful of Your Word."
This quote is from The Broken Messenger, entry dated Wed. June 1. Go here.

These statements, and his entire post, were very convicting to me. I can become so wrapped up in my own need, how I want to be ministered to and cared for, that I completely forget about serving others. It's tough, especially if you've been jaded by living amongst some of the "(using humility as) a tool to position others for my own gain" crowd. Cynicism creeps in and rather than having compassion towards others, I judge and analyze what they should have done for themselves to keep themselves out of such messes. I can almost hear myself praying at times, "Thank you, Lord that I'm not like so-and-so over there" and forgetting that I'm merely seeing a fraction of what happens. I don't see the whole story - but God does. He looks at the heart and not at the outward appearance. I need a humble heart to see as God sees.

Then I saw this too. Shaq is paying for that guy's funeral. You know, I realize that he has ALOT of money, but so do alot of other people and he didn't have to do this. But, he did.

My 4 Hour Time Window

2005-06-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

Our new washing machine is being delivered today. This will be the first time in my life I've owned a new washing machine. I'm excited, but also a little concerned. We requested it be delivered AND installed - however, the delivery people called yesterday and said "the paperwork" didn't show any installation services. We already paid the extra money for the installation part.

This is very important to us, since it means they will remove the old washing machine and hook-up the new one for us. My Corporate Executive Husband is not a handy guy. Now, I realize it may be a no-brainer to install this thing, but anytime husband and I try to do a project like this together it can get a little scary. Although - in his defense I must add that he did temporarily fix our dryer venting system and it's now working well. (A repair guy will come next week.)

Where's the dryer?? We were given a 1-year-old Whirlpool Duet Dryer. The previous owner couldn't use it in their house since it is electric and their new house hook-up is gas. I'm thanking God for our wonderful free dryer and praying we get some really nice installation guys to hook up the new washer today.

I must go since I have errands to run before I'm confined to the house waiting for the delivery guys. Hmmmm . . .I need a quote here since it is my week of quotes.
"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge."
-Daniel J. Boorstin

A Week of Quotes

2005-05-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

So, over the past week or so I've been thinking about a topic I really wanted to post here. My thoughts were just beginning to come together. And then I read them . . . . over at someone else's blog. Man, I thought I was so original. Not only did I read the thoughts, but they were very well put. (Kind of humbling I must say). So I will put them here for you to enjoy, and I'll provide the link as well.
My Big Idea for the week: This will be a week of quotes. From books, other blogs, magazines, maybe even a movie or two. I actually started it all yesterday with a quote from a great book. (Who knew what would come of it??)

Here's the quote from Jollyblogger

"Parents today are bombarded with books, tapes, cd's and seminars full of helpful material on parenting. This goes for religious and non-religious parents. Again, in my context as a Christian, I can rattle off the top of my head many names of authors and titles of books that are specifically devoted to helping you raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord and keep them walking with Christ.

We read all of these things and think that there is some guarantee in reading them and applying their principles that, if we read and apply these principles, our kids are going to turn out perfect, or if not perfect, at least pretty good. Yet in the Bible you've got people like David, a man after God's own heart, who commits adultery and murder. The disciples themselves had three years of training at the feet of Jesus yet they deserted him. And we don't even need to mention Peter."

The entire post is great; 'What About These Wayward Children' May 23, 2005
Enjoy!

Stuck

2005-05-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck. In a rut. In life and on this blog. My posts are becomming few and far between. There doesn't seem much to say, but I know there is. I just need to be disciplined and put it out there. But right now it's late and I need to get some sleep. Here's a quote I like from a book I've read a few times:
"Enjoying God's company is difficult when we have fears about God. Fear causes us to keep our distance from Him - sometimes by staying busy doing things for Him."
The book is 'Enjoying the Presence of God' by Jan Johnson
Until tomorrow . . . .

Martha Stewart Anonymous

2005-05-25T06:48:00.000-07:00

Hi, my name is Tracy and I subscribe to Martha Stewart Living. I have now for 8+ years and I still have each copy. This magazine came along at a time in society when we stopped having people over to hang-out and started 'Entertaining'. I grew up in a home where we never Entertained. We didn't have 3 different sets of china, iced-tea spoons, or pickle forks - heck, we didn't even have salad forks half the time. No one cared if the tablecloth matched the dishes. Our parties didn't have themes. Everything was very casual, realxed and apparently pretty tacky, too. And along came Martha with her beautifully decorated tables and equally beautiful food that tasted good too. Since I had never really had any formal (or informal) kitchen training from mom, other than how to make Grandma's chocolate chip cookies, I quickly became a willing pupil of this self-appointed homemaking guru. I loved receiving each issue and would read the articles and drool over (be jealous of) the decorating, food items and overall togetherness of this type of life. My woven bracelet would have read "WWMD".

But attaining that level of perfection in one's home & cooking was pretty beyond me. Instead of being inspired by her glossy photos, and later tv show, I would become frustrated and discontent. I think it's no simple coincidence that her name is Martha. I've heard it taught about the passage in Luke that the preparations Martha was attending to when Jesus and company visited were necessary, but she became myopic in her desire to get everything prepared. In a sense she forgot the heart of having people in her home to break bread and share life, and became overly concerned with the preparations themselves. Mary wasn't "better" for not having done the domestic duties, but she had the right overall focus - on Jesus. The food, etc. was secondary. How often have I been reminded of this. I get myself all stressed-out because the food isn't getting done on time, or the house isn't as clean as I'd like, and I stop. I talk to God and remember that the reason the people are coming over is to spend time with us, and we are equally interested in seeing them. I shift my focus from the preparations to the people and what I like about each person and what we could talk about. I stop worrying that my green beans aren't perfectly blanched, and know that no one will really notice if I've had to replace the sherry vinegar from the recipe with whatever vinegar I have on hand. Perfection - whether it's in parenting or domestic duties - isn't what God is asking from us. What he wants is my heart and that it reflect His.

Yes, I still own those magazines, and I still receive a subscription. But I now view it all as more of a reference tool - an Encyclopedia of sorts. Sometimes I pick up an old one and see a good (& simple) recipe that might be fun to try, or read about how to care for my butcher block counter top. But, I'm able to put it back and know that even if I don't get to these things, life is still good. My sister came over last night and I was making a Martha recipe as one of the side dishes. I didn't have a few of the ingredients, so I had to come up with alternatives to make it work. Everyone enjoyed it, and it may have even been better that way. More importantly I didn't get myself all concerned with the food, how would it reflect on me, etc. It's food - we eat it. The best part of the evening was catching up with my sis and watching her play with her nephew. I'm reminded of Proverbs: "Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred". My home certainly won't be know for pefect meals of 'fattned calves', but hopefully there will be love.

Technical Difficulties

2005-05-23T13:31:00.000-07:00

That's what's been going on here lately. . . so getting on to post has been a bit hit and miss. Hopefully today will be more of a hit. (Computers drive me crazy!)
Lots to say, even more that has been swirling around in my head, but not really alot of time to flesh it all out here. My son just went down for a nap and I have quite a long list of tasks to accomplish while he snoozes.

Ever have those times in life where you're just not finding your place? There's no group of people or place that you go where your on the same page of life as everyone else. Maybe in a sense I fit on the mommy-track page, but as far as my faith experience goes, I'm on a much different page than most. Christ is my Savior, and I believe I've been adopted into God's family and I have received (and will ultimately receive in Heaven) His inheritance. But I am in a "valley" in a lot of ways, and although I believe God is in that valley with me, maybe even carrying me at times, He's a very silent fellow traveler. I offer up my requests, my heart, everything that is going on and there is mostly silence. Most of my "major prayers" are going unanswered at this time. In my head, or based on my knowledge of who God says He is in His word, I know He has a plan and it is for my good, but the reality I live each day can be gut wrenching on many levels. I used to be one with a faith that truly believed that there was a verse for whatever I was going through, and I just needed to find it, focus on it, live it and all would be better. Well, that just isn't the case anymore. I find that if my faith is even going to survive some of the trials, I have to grab on to a major tenet like, 'God loves me', and hang on for dear life.

So, maybe the computer glitches are here for a reason. When it seems like one's prayers are hitting the ceiling it's alot like getting a computer message: "technical error". I know that God is much more reliable than my computer(s) - in fact more than any person on this earth - people will always disappoint, but He has promised never to forsake me. Maybe He just seems silent, but what he's doing is stripping away my people saftey net, so that I will seek to only look to Him for fulfillment, joy and a sense of purpose, instead of looking to others. Alot to think about.
Mabye it was better that I focused on this post before my "chores", so as I do my mundane activities I can think about Him, His promises and what I can be grateful for.

While I Was Out

2005-05-18T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, I was gone for a few days. I had every intention of putting an "out-of-office" type reminder here on Sunday . . . but it just didn't happen. Husband went on a business trip and little boy and I went to visit my mom. She lives in a very rural part of North San Diego county . . . I feel like I go back in time a bit when I'm there. Her town has no major name large grocery store, no gas station (ok, one at the local Country Club - for members only), and all roads are 2 lane. The community is situated in the midst of orange and avocado groves and it smells wonderful in the springtime.

So, I'm back. Little boy is done with his antibiotics and I'm feeling better, too. Something I have not mentioned here before is that my husband and I attend marriage counseling twice a month. It's helpful and our counselor is very understanding and helpful, especially when our life gets pretty hectic. Why am I mentioning this? I'm about to tell you.

In going to marriage counseling, I found there were issues that I really needed to deal with on a more personal level, but the counselor we see is a man, and I felt I should see a female counselor in a one-on-one setting. I found my new female counselor through a few references from church. She seems to "get" my issues, and my first session with her is great. I emphasize that I can't make a weekly commitment at this time (limited childcare being my main issue), but I can let her know week-to-week what will work. She emphasizes how much she has a heart for SAHM's and understands the need for flexibility. She even lets our first session run long because I was running late. I make a second appointment, but just a day before the appointment little boy gets sick and I realize I can't leave him with my SAHM friend to possibly infect her children, AND he needs to go to the doctor. I call and explain and she lets me know her other available times for the week in case: a) he gets better and b)I can find childcare on a different day. (She remembers this conversation also including something about scheduling for the following Monday, but I don't catch that part - AT ALL) I realize by Wednesday that I now am sick,too. Trying to reschedule is out for this week. I go to call her to relay all this, but I can't find her number. I lost her card. My paper with alternative numbers is also missing. (Story of my life). I think, "Hopefully she'll call me back and we can reschedule for sometime next week.". Although, I know my days are limited for that week because I already have plans to vist my mom.

Fast forward to Monday. I arrived at my mom's Sunday evening, and it's now Monday morning around 10am. My cell phone rings. I answer and it's my new counselor. She tells me we have a scheduled meeting - right now. I think I said "We do??" in a rather surprised tone. I explain that I don't have anything written down on my calendar, but I also apologize for missing the appointment. (to me, the appointment never extisted, but I'm apologizing anyways since it's an inconvenience to her). What's odd to me in all this is her tone on the other end. She's angry and bugged. I apologize again, and then explain that I wouldn't have made the appointment because I had plans, in fact I'm near Escondido . . . . right now . . . visiting my mom. She still sounds very bothered, and I then thank her for calling me, especially since I lost her number. I ask for her number and while she's giving it to me I get the impression she doesn't believe me. Why would I make-up losing the number?!!? I hang up. And now I'm mad. What occurred was a simple misunderstanding, yet I get treated like an irresponsible child . . . by a licensed therapist! Where was the understanding? I was told she understands the harried and unpredictable life of a SAHM and she "has a heart" for us. All I could think was, maybe other SAHM's don't have a life like I do . . . maybe they are much more together and don't have kids that get sick at really inconvenint times . . . . .regularly. I don't know, but what I do know is that I won't be going back to see her. I'll pay her what I owe for the missed sessions and then let her know it's not going to work out.

I think I might stick with other therapy options at this point. Taking an hour to get a manicure/pedicure can be just as relaxing and much less expensive - and nobody gets mad at me.

God's Alarm Clock

2005-05-14T06:26:00.000-07:00

It's 6:27am as I begin this post. I've been up since 5:30 due to chirpping. I can totally relate to Gina and her feelings on the earlybirds.

I've been inspried by a few great posts lately, but getting the words to flow from my head to my fingers is proving to be challenging. It's going to be a busy day of car service, a graduation party, a birthday party and getting things ready for my husband's business trip - he leaves tomorrow. So, instead of cursing those little birds, I'm enjoying the quiet time to myself before the day takes off. Kind of like the calm before the storm.

I actually went to the movies last night with a girlfriend.
Can't even remember the last time that happened. I got to the theater early and just sat in the outdoor courtyard and read a magazine . . . . .from cover to cover in one sitting. Can't remember the last time that happened either. We saw the movie "Crash". Very interesting. The whole thing takes place in the context of my neighborhood (which is weird to see people on the big screen referring to the street I drive down every day). I actually only saw the first half of the movie. (Very long story) So, I guess I'll finish seeing it, someday?
My life is a series of unfinished movies, half-developed thoughts, and interrupted activities. I'm complex in thought, but simple in day-to-day living. I appreciate good design, beautiful art and well-appointed homes, but I don't need to live in that kind of enviornment to be happy. In fact the moment I become drawn into trying to make my home look a certain way, I descend down a slippery slope of discontentment. I will get to see my family today - mom, siblings and their signifigant others. I'm excited and anticipate our reunion, but there is an anxiousness in me too.

On a completely different note, little boy was stirring about 15min. ago, but I think he's gone back to sleep! There is a God in heaven and He does love me! Of course I know that's true, even on the really bad days, but I'm thankful for the reminder of his grace and unexpected gifts of time. Since He's given it to me, I think I'll go spend some time with Him . . . mabye that was the real reason for the birds at 5:30am.

The Dishes are Waiting

2005-05-11T20:45:00.000-07:00

I'm writing another post, knowing that as soon as I'm done I must be on to the dishes. I've been blog surfing and came accross one where 30+ comments were posted about what SAHM's do once the kiddos are in bed. Here's what I found interesting. . . . mom's who told of what time their children rise in the morning. Their responses revealved that most of them get up and attend to the kids at that time, when the kids wake up. Ok, where am I going with this. . . . . we have some freinds who have this thing about how early their kids get up, and at times they request that kids go back to sleep so mom and/or dad can get some more snooze time. That is so not my reality, and it seems to be the case with most of the mom's who commented here - not their reality either. It's not being "child centered" (or any other christian parenting faux pas) to get up when your kids do - right? Am I right here people?

I guess I bring it up because my husband upon hearing of what our friends do, suggests that we sometimes (read: weekends) get more sleep by requesting that little boy go back to sleep. I don't think that's going to work. . . we say that 6 days a week he wakes up and we get him and begin our day, but one day he now needs to go back to sleep. We've sort-of tried it, but he doesn't really go back to sleep. Sometimes he'll play in his crib, but for only twenty minutes or so. Maybe once he's in a big boy bed he can just get up and play on his own for a short time. . . ???? Please feel free to share any thoughts on this. 6:45am is the wake up time, sometimes earlier when dad/husband has an early workday. It doesn't really phase me since I'm more of a morning person. I'm almost always in bed by 10pm. So, I'd better go so I can make my "bedtime".

Today I was THAT Mom

2005-05-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

So little guy and myself jump into the car for a quick grocery store trip. Just need a few things, and must be back home in 45min. to meet the bug man. Of course, traffic is . . well, there, and it takes longer than I'd like to get to the store. We go in, grab a few items, but little guy isn't in a cart. He does a GREAT job of walking right with me to get our necessary items and then we get to the check-out line. I'm a little stressed because I don't want bug man to leave the house if I'm not there in the specified time window - so I'm trying to hurry up a bit. Little guy suddenly decides he doesn't want to move up in line, so I have to pick him up while he's screaming "GET DOWN". I keep a calm voice and let him know he's not getting down, yet he keeps yelling. So, I'm obviously struggling to carry him and get out my money, club card, etc. I decide to set little guy on the small counter next to the card swiping machine. As I begin to swipe my card, he begins to fall backwards toward the checkout lady. I'm able to catch him, but I let out a pretty big frustrated sigh and firmly ask little guy to sit still while I punch in the numbers. The checkout lady glares at me. . . .I'm not really sure why, but there's no way I can put this kid on the ground 'cause he'll bolt. He's still yelling "GET DOWN" through all this. The bag guy puts my items in a grocery bag and asks if I need help out. I really do need help, but I say "no thanks" and proceed to put my son in the cart. Now he really starts to cry and yell. The whole way out of the store people are staring at me. Ahhhh . .. the joys of motherhood.

One more thing: the bag guys says to me as I'm struggling to put little boy in the cart, "good thing he can get a nap later", to which I reply "He's already had one."

Clarification

2005-05-10T18:38:00.000-07:00

The term "bookmaker": also known as "bookie". A person in the business of taking bets, as on horse races, football games, boxing matches . . or any other sporting event.

A Piece of My History

2005-05-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

Where to begin.. . . reflecting on my upbringing and the seires of events, choices, and people that have brought me to where I am today leads me to that question. There's the life everyone thinks they see, and the real life that occurs behind closed doors. When I was 8 years old our family - Mom, Dad, 3 girls and baby boy - moved from Palm Desert, CA to Hemet, CA. Not a big move. These two cities are an hour's drive apart, yet the cultures of these cities were vastly different. My dad was seeking somewhat of a new life, an escape if you will, from who he was in that desert tourist town. We had lived year-round in a place that most people only spent anywhere from a weekend to 4-5 months retreating from cold, hard weather. November through April it was ideal weatherwise, but the rest of the months were downright scorching and we spent most days from morning to dark in the pool. My dad was the golf pro at a swanky golf club/course called Del Safari. He was a gifted athlete, and golf was his sport of choice, followed closely by baseball. His life so far was a crazy, complicated one, and at the time of our move my mom was his third wife and we were his third set of kids, too. The community of Hemet embodied more of the family values I think he was seeking to embrace (or use as a cover?). There were also many horse ranches in this more agrarian place, and my dad in a effort to get back to some of his roots wanted to move in a vocational direction that invloved his love for horses - and eventually horseracing.

So, our family moved into a sprawling home, on an acre lot, in one of the nicest neighborhoods in town. We were considered "rich kids" from day one. My dad made as modest income as a golf-pro, but his real money came from his side profession of bookmaking. Part of the reason I think we left Palm Desert was he had been getting the message from the local authorities, "get out of town." So, my dad made his way into the horseracing business, yet kept the bookmaking going to support us until the ponies started paying off. However, our mormon neighbors (or anyone else for that matter) had no idea of the bookie business going on in the basement of our new home, known as 'dad's office'. My parents never really spoke openly of his bookmaking and by the time I was of the age that kids on the playground began sharing what their dad's did for a living, my answer of "he owns racehorses" always brought a interesting response - from other kids and teachers alike.

Ok - more to come later.

Ear Infection

2005-05-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Man, there are some thought provoking posts and comments in the SAHM blogworld lately. I've briefly commented myself, but I have stayed silent for the most part because there is some major lack of sleep in this household due to little boy's ear infection. (Just diagnosed as such this afternoon.) When he's congested and in pain he doesn't sleep well, or at all depending on the severity. I was up at 2am with him, getting him to try his nebulizer so he could stop coughing long enough to take a breath. It worked, but he had a really hard time getting back to sleep. I was thinking of blogging on some of the more weighty (sp?) topics while he napped, but the nap didn't happen. So, I think I'll try to get a good night's sleep and maybe tackle some of my own musings tomorrow.

Wanted to say, I posted yesterday about my sister-in-law's mother's day/birthday weekend. Her dog got really sick. . . and she did too - STREP THROAT! The upside is that the dog is doing much better and my sis-in-law is now on anitbiotics. I guess she'll have to wait to enjoy some birthday cake.

I'm missing my bible study tonight since little boy is sick. My husband has to work late so I'll just be here. Maybe I'll get inspired to post some more interesting things at that time. The funny thing about missing the bible study - I actually did my homework, but I won't even be able to contribute. Oh well, there were plenty of 'rewards' in my day-to-day focus as a result of doing the homework. Getting in the word can be such a battle for me, but everytime I do I'm so glad I did. Maybe that's where I'll go once I get little boy down for the night.

Mother's Day. .. .I think

2005-05-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

Today is Mother's Day, but somehow my 2yr old boy didn't get the memo. If he had he might not have come down with his cold. Now when I really think about the timing of his cold, I realize it's actually the 'best' time for him to have one. . . we have a ton of family stuff going on next weekend and that would be a really bad time for him to get sick, so I am truly thankful that if he had to be sick it's now. It's just making for a tiring mom's day for me. What I've realized though is now that he's older, he's not nearly as needy when he's sick. When he was small being sick for him meant holding him constantly. He went through a year of chronic ear infections and I'd have to say I came very close to clinical depression with the lack of sleep and relentlessness of taking care of a sick baby. I wanted this. . .to be a mom and I truly do consider it a blessing that I even get to be one.

Sometimes holidays just don't live up to what we might envision. Even for my sister-in-law. . .. . her husband and son planned a cool weekend of fun for her (it's her birthday too), but their dog has become very ill. It's so sad - we hope the dog is going to make it. This dog is what most would consider an ideal pet and they love her dearly. (My son adores the dog as well.) So, mother's day and her birthday are overshadowed by the dog's health concerns.

Other randomness: We watched "Ray" last night. Such a compelling story, and the music is phenomenal. I now think that would have been worth seeing in a theater with surround-sound. Jamie Foxx deserved that oscar and every bit of acclaim he received for that role. Another movie I want to see, but of a totally different genre is the new Will Farrell movie, "Kicking & Screaming". It's about a dad (Will) who coaches his kid's soccer team. I doubt I'll make it to the theater for it, but you never know.

I have more I'd really like to post about, but my sleepy brain is making it tough to put together words. Happy Mother's day to all my fellow SAHM bloggers. I love being a part of this community.

A Cold

2005-05-06T07:41:00.000-07:00

The little boy has a cold. He was running a fever the night before last, but it seemed to leave yesterday. I guess it was a forewarning to today. He got up before 6am, but I was able to get him back to sleep. I'm pretty zonked since my husband and I were up late having an intense conversation about our marriage, life, and roles & responsibilities.

Not much else to say, but this: two of the blogs I read are from other SAHM's (stay at home mom's) and they have 4 kids and somehow manage to still workout/exercise in the mornings. I'm VERY impressed. Maybe I need to be inspired by their example . . . ok, right after my little boy gets over this cold.

I had a few good post ideas yesterday, but our computers were out getting fixed. Maybe the thoughts will come back.

Anger

2005-05-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

I attended the mom's group at my church this morning and heard a great talk on anger. The speaker is a licensed therapist and she had alot of great insights to share. I looked forward to being a mom for quite some time, and really anticipated all the joys of raising a little one. What caught me completely off guard was how angry I can get both at my son and at circumstances surrounding parenting him. Today's talk tapped into some of the issues around that. I won't ramble on too much about it, but here are some of the points:

-Identify the course of your anger, be a student of it. Number the strength of your anger by rating it on a scale of 1 to 10. Take action when the intensity is between a 1 and a 4. Do not take action if the intensity is a 7 or higher. Take time to deintensify your anger before you express it.

-When you act, use words not actions. (i.e. throwing things). Keep an even tone of voice. Do not use mockery, sarcasm, belittling, joking, or teasing. Speak directly, firmly and kindly. State that you are angry, what the situation is that needs to change, and how you need it to change Be open to the other's perspective on the situation.

The speaker's name is Pam Erdman, and she also shared about the effects yelling and screaming has on our children. Their emotions become so stirred up, to the point that they become anxious and fearful and then don't hear what we are saying at all. So any time I'm thinking I'm finally being heard when I yell, I'm really not. If there is compliance it's only because of fear, or a desire for the yelling to stop. Another word for those intense emotions one feels in the midst of conflict is "flooding". This reaction is documented by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. "the heart speeds up . . . hormonal changes occur too, including the secretion of adrenaline, which kicks in the 'fight or flight' response. When a pounding heart and all the other physical stress reactions happen . . . your ability to process information is reduced. It's harder to pay attention to what someone is saying." He writes this in the context of a marriage conflict, but I think the application can be made to any situation when someone is being yelled at by someone else. (the quote is from "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work")

Another great think to keep in mind - am I having realistic expectations for my child's age, stage, etc.?

A great book on the issue of yelling is "When You Feel Like Screaming" by Pat Holt & Grace Ketterman, M.D.. Here's a challenging quote: "That is why we have written about learning and using self-control. If you will master this skill and use it to stay quiet instead of impusively screaming out your rage and demands, you may transform your family life. Once you have conquered the screaming habit, replace it (the put-off and put-on of scripture) with self-control, silence and thoughtfulness. Then you will know what you mean to say, and you can say what you really mean." I think one of the kept secrets, if you will, for many stay-at-home christian moms is how often they (me included) yell at their kids. But no one admits it or talks about it, because then "what kind of a mom will people think I am". A very normal, human one, in fact, and everyone can breathe a sigh of relief, admit their own weaknesses and get some help. Things kept in secret usually stay unaddressed. (Satan's shame strategy.)

So much of this strikes a particular chord in me because I didn't really learn how to deal with anger growing up. I grew up in an alcoholic home with lots of yelling. The way I survived and sucessfully "fit-in" was to never have any negative emotions. I still had them, but never knew how to deal with them. I might go into that another day, but I'll end here by saying I'm very glad for these resources & tools. Simply saying out loud, "I am so angry about this. . .", or I'm getting so frustrated" helps me to come down a few levels when my anger starts to grow. Anger is a normal part of life - I just don't want it to be something that ultimately alienates those I love. Prayerfully, by God's grace I can do better wtih all this.

The Haze of Not Enough Sleep

2005-05-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm a bit hazy today. . . . .I went to bed an hour later than I should have. Woke up at 1am to hear little boy coughing (allergies- he coughs every night) got back to sleep to be jolted from my bed by the sound of the smoke alarm in our bedroom. Nothing like an adreneline rush at 3:36am. No fire (thank you God) but husband and I spent a good half hour making sure there really was no fire and realized the alarm battery was going dead. Usually these contraptions chirp when the battery needs replacing, but this one is different . . I guess?? Then little boy wakes up at 6AM! (His normal time is around 7am) So I get him from his crib and he and I go lay down in the guest room and catch another 45min. of sleep. (I was so hoping for 2hrs. more but I'll gratefully take my 45min. )

Anyone got some insights on how the 'comments' functions on other blogs? I posted one here, but it doesn't come up. Hmmmm. That's another blog I read regularly and totally enjoy. (I hope this link works, husband is at work so I did this one on my own. - Yikes!)

2005-05-02T14:12:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I find myself thinking about how my life has turned out so far, in contrast to what I thought I would have wanted for myself at this stage, approaching 35. For example, I got married at 25 and thought, "ok, a good plan would be to have kids in about 2-3 years." In fact, many of our friends who were married right about the same time we were got pregnant 2-3 years after their wedding dates. But not us. Now at the time, I didn't understand and wasn't really happy about it to be quite honest. I wanted to be planning the nursery color scheme, thinking of baby names, and buying maternity clothes. I was also quite sure of the parenting philosophy/formula I would use too. For that part alone I am so glad we did not have a child at that time. I wanted to be a part of this particular "club" - you know, the membership guarentees that you will have a well-behaved child if you just follow the formula. I know myself well enough to know at that point in my life I would have become a slave to the "rules" regardless of my child's temperment and needs. And when things didn't go according to the "plan" I would have blamed it on myself - possibly resulting in lots of guilt, anger and sadness in response to my mothering efforts. Seven years and 3 months after our wedding date we had our son and I had thankfully changed my mind on using that parenting method. I know I would have parented more for what others thought of me, rather than to an audience of One. ( I still struggle with this . . .and probably always will to some degree.) Daily, moment by moment dependence on Him is what God wants not just in my parenting, but in all aspects of my life.

Isn't it funny how badly I want there to be rules and a certain way to do things. Nobody really thrusts the idea of being judgemental on me - I want to do it. I want to be able to say, " I followed the rules and now my child is wonderful, well-behaved, etc." all the while in my heart thinking of how good I must look. And when other parents children are not in line with what I consider to be "good" I can judge their poor parenting since that is obvoiusly what caused this. Here's the really scary part. . . even though I have embraced God's ultimate gift of grace and have employed some of John Fisher's 12 Steps for a Recovering Pharisee, I then want to judge others for their lack of grace. Now that I have the grace I want to boast about my graciousness and condemn those use formulas and rules. (I have read that book twice and will probably read it again.)

Then in the midst of all this parenting paranoia I put myself through I remember that my child is a person. He was created for relationship. Yes, part of my job is to raise him, teach him, give him the independence that will help him funciton in this world. . . .and at other times I just need to enjoy him. Enjoy the fact that at 2+ years he still wants to sit on my lap and likes to be read to. Listen to him form language and use his new founds words. Sing silly songs and always be on the alert for airplanes in the sky. I want to be able to find things at all his ages and stages that I enjoy - especially in the midst of the behavior that makes me want to tear my hair out. (I hear 13 can be a tough one for boys). My hope is that in enjoying him for who he is, he will glean an enjoyment of others - not for what they do (or don't do) but for who they are.
I'm still trying to learn that one.

I really wanted to wrap this one up with a cool conclusion that brought all these thoughts together, but it's after 10 o'clock and I need some sleep. Time to post. I'll close with a quote from my day-timer: "There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go." -Tennessee Willams. Or as Steve likes to end, "Now it's time for so long. . . . " -Blues Clues

Thanks for Tagging Me!

2005-04-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hey, I want to give a shout out to Jasmine at Between the Rinse and Spin Cycle for tagging me. Really, this is great, because I've been comming up empty on things to write about.

Now for the game: I pick 5 occupations out of the list below and post my answers. Then I tag 3 other people to post their answers on their blog.

The "questions": If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

1. If I could be an inn-keeper I'd own an inn right on the beach somewhere along the central coast of California. My inn would be very comfortable and cozy, but probably on the sparse side decor-wise. The beds would be ultra-comfy, and it would be great to have fireplaces in every room. Guests would not be required to do group activities, but if they wanted to they could come down to a large family room and play games like Cranium and Pictionary with me and others. There would be bikes available for people to ride through the neighborhood, and I'd love for my guests to have access to a good tennis court somewhere nearby. I would hire a great chef to cook for everyone too.

2. If I could be a musician I'd love to be able to play the piano. I don't play any instuments and it would be great to be able to sit down to a piano and play nice music.

3. If I could be a professor I'd teach people the art of teaching. Patience, love of the subject matter and the love of watching others learn are such gifts to a student. Did I mention patience? (I'm no expert on this. . . .unless teaching kids how to swim counts.)

4. If I could be a writer I'd write something that would make someone laugh, cry, contemplate life, and be something they would want to read over and over again.

5. If I could be a chef I'd make wonderful meals for my family that require a small number of ingredients and not alot of time to prepare.

Can you tell I ran out of steam here at the end?? I'm pretty tired today. A storm came through last night that woke me up and I had a hard time getting back to sleep. Can it please stop raining in California? And the wind, lets stop that too, it's making my son's allergies crazy.

Surfing the Blogsphere

2005-04-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

Were you aware of the "next blog" tab at the top of this page? I learned about this from another blogger (in fact the only one on my 'links' list). I go from blog to blog enjoying the creativity, candid thoughts and clever titles, finding myself thinking "oh, I wish my blog were this cool." Although, some are sad and deeply reflective. A few are bold and in your face with colorful language. Others are downright scary.
Here is my list of ideas I get from other blogs:

Begin a post with the phrase "I want to give a shout out to . . . . "

Cool quotes in the sidebar

Include the phrase "white noise" in my blog title

Actually link IN my posts. (yes, I'm still learning)

Make a deep and meaningful reference to the Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Talk about my favorite diva . . . (what?)

That's all I've got so far. Tune in next time to see if I've incorporated any of the changes, or added to my list.

A Mess

2005-04-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

That is what my house is right now, and it never fails to amaze me how quickly it gets there. I'm not a complete-er. . (a word?) . . . I don't follow through. I get home from Target and put the bags on the counter, but don't put the items away. Then I scurry on to getting my son outdoors to play for a while before it's lunch-time. We look for lizards and dig in the dirt. He rides his toddler bike and now I'm on the phone making a car service appointment. I remember to bring the phone and calendar inside, but I leave them on the kitchen table. Now I'm on to making our lunches (leaving most of the fixin's on the counter) and we eat together. In the midst of that the UPS man comes to the door . .. the books I ordered have arrived. I immediately open the box and let my son "discover" what's inside. I put the books on the counter, but let him pull out the invoice, packing materials, & coupons. Ok, back to lunch ( box contents strewn all over the living room). Oh yeah, the dryer stopped so now I pull out the clothes and put them in the living room to be folded later. I forgot to mention, before we left for Target (we have no Wal-Mart) my son had been playing blocks in the hallway (?) so they still remain. Lunch is over and I let him "read" a Dora story on the internet while I scan my new books. Naptime! We clean-up the blocks and get son a fresh diaper. Sadly, instead of a few hours to read or whatever while he sleeps, I'll be picking up after myself. It's not always like this. . . .some days I'm much more conscientious. And on those days you'll get a much more interesting blog.

What is funny about this is my parenting belief of 'lead by example' . . . . I'm very big on modeling the right behavior and trusing that the kid will 'catch' it. Well, at this rate I won't have much to say when his room looks like a disaster area.

Was My Coffee Decaf This Morn?

2005-04-19T12:33:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to shake the sleepies from my brain today. Usually this happens to me on overcast mornings (oddly known as June gloom) or cloudy days. However, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day . . so why do I keep yawning??

I'm still having issues with setting up the links I want on this page, but I've just decided that I'll keep making posts until I get it figured out. If I could link, I'd refer to two great posts by Barbara at Mommylife: one about the wonders of front loading, extra-large capacity washers (we're about to buy one!) , and the other on practicing the presence of God. I'm finding lately that my 'prayer closet' is my car, and as I drive from errand to errand I pray. Prayer for me meaning simply talking to God about my day, about whatever attitude I may be having and wondering why, and offering up prayers for those he brings to mind as I go up and down Ventura Blvd (the main SF Valley strip). I've also come accross a great new worship song . . . .although it's not a hynm or praise song, and it's not performed by a conetmporary Christian artist. Norah Jones' "Humble Me", and the chorus is simply "humble me, humble me, Lord,". I ponder how I become so full of myself and ask for forgiveness and the wisdom to see beyond me and live for HIm. Practicing the presence of God and praying for His eyes so I can see others and the situations they are in as He sees them. Once I do that it usually results in less criticism and more compassion. And isn't it so refreshing to recieve that from others too? You have a bad day, or do something you wish you had not, and instead of condemnation you receive grace; instead of disgust you get understanding; instead of the 10 things you must now do to fix the mess you are in you get a friend who listens and who "gets's it" and just lets you be yourself. And instead of getting all stressed out about what you didn't get right, you learn to laugh at yourself and rejoice that God's mercies are new every morning. Maybe it was my pastor, or a lecture by Beth Moore, who said our God is the God of second chances. And I'm so glad he is.

Looking Forward to Summer

2005-04-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of the things I'm looking forward to this summer. (In no particular order).

1. Warmer weather

2. Casual get-togethers (usually bbq) with family and friends

3. Visiting family in San Diego and possibly taking our son to the zoo for the first time

4. Wearing flip-flops almost everyday

5. Attending a performance at the Hollywood Bowl. (my favorite one to date was last year's appearance by Nickel Creek - SO GOOD!)

6. Going to a Dodger game.

7. Picnics at the beach

8. The sun staying out later. (although, it also comes up earlier which can be tough when you have a child who rises with the sun.)

9. Family vacation

10. Less trafffic on the freeways.

My voice in cyberspace

2005-04-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

Well, here it is. I have been sharing with a few (very few) close friends and family that I want to start a blog, and I'm here . . .. and now what? I will share with you the reaction of my youngest sister (I have two sisters younger than me) when I told her I wanted to have a blog. "Why? What do these things have to say that makes you want to read them?" Once I gave her what I thought was a pretty good explanation of the world of blogs and the enjoyment in reading them she again said, "why?". And now that I"m reading over what I've just written I must say her question may have some validity to it. I think I should also add my other sister was present during the conversation and didn't say anyting really but just started at me like, "ok, whatever".

I was introduced to the world of blogs my my husand right around the beginning of the year and thought they were somewhat interesting. Most of his bookmarked blogs were political/news blogs, and pretty interesting, but the whole thing really took off for me once I started linking to other blogs. I was especially intrigued by blogs of stay-at-home-moms (like me!) and I felt like a whole new world opened up to me. My goal is to share my journey. Along the way I'll hopefully improve my writing by leaps and bounds and ultimately discover my voice as I respond to God's calling. What's that quote . . .He doesn't call the equipped, but equips the called?? I sure am going to need some "equipping"! Much inspriation has come from other tremendously gifted bloggers and they are referenced somewhere here on this page. (I think? - I'm still getting used to this format -please be patient.) I hope I can do justice to their examples.
I guess the answer to my own question of "now what?" is: now the fun begins.